Jedi Nites 2: The Search for Anakin
by Mister Frodo
Summary: Sequel to Jedi Nites: Adventures of the Lite Side! Follow the adventures of Obiwan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Wade the Battle Droid, Darth Sidious, and others as they search for the key to controlling the galaxy: A Jedi Knight named Anakin Skywalker... FINISHED.
1. It's Back!

_(Note: This is a continuation of the story _Jedi Nites: Adventures of the Lite Side_. If you haven't read that story, you might want to do it now, just so you're not confused.)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Starbucks, Mickey Mouse, Lucky Charms, or evil, maniacal chickens that love to eat bald men carrying purple lightsabers. There, that should cover the first few chapters or so._

"Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan! Come on, wake up!"

Obi-Wan opened his eyes to find himself lying in the middle of Palpatine's office. Empty Starbucks cups and candy wrappers littered the floor. He put a hand to his aching head. "Ugh…What happened?"

"We had a party, remember?"

He looked at the speaker to see that it was…Elvis Presley? His mouth fell open. "Elvis? What the heck are you doing here?"  
"Elvis? Man, Obi-Wan, you had more lattes than I thought."  
He rubbed his eyes. His vision cleared and revealed the speaker as none other than…Wade the Battle Droid. Obi-Wan jumped to his feet. "Wade the Battle Droid!"

"Duh. Who'd you think it'd be, Mickey Mouse?"

"Maybe."

Wade sighed. "I can't believe I came all the way here for this."

Obi-Wan dropped into a kung fu stance. "Tell me your business, Wade, or I shall be forced to unleash the forceful wrath of the Force."

"Yeah, that was original. Listen, while you guys were partying with those Ewoks, General Grievous and Darth Sidious slipped out."

"What! How do you know this!"

"Because I was there." He held up a group photo. "See? I right there, behind that Ewok."

"Which Ewok?"

"The furry one."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yep, that narrows it down."

"Anyway…" Wade stored the picture in his…uh…place where he stores things. "Shaak Ti, Adi, Yoda, and Mace all went back to the Council chamber to discuss what to do about Sidious. They left me here so I could wake you up."

"Why would they entrust such an important task to a worthless OC like you?"

"That hurts, Obi-Wan. That hurts real bad. But it's beside the point. I've just been contacted by Sidious. He plans to find Anakin and use him to rule the galaxy!"

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Didn't Anakin die in the last story?"  
"No, he just fell a couple thousand miles, hit the bottom, had his intestines spill out, and was smashed into oblivion, but besides that, he's fine."

"You're pulling my leg."

Wade removed his hand from Obi-Wan's boot. "Sorry. But I'm really just kidding. Anakin landed on a mattress."

"What the heck would a mattress be doing down at Coruscant's ground level?"

"Random mattress salesman."

"I'm betting the mattress was pink."  
"Duh. It's Anakin we're talking about."

Obi-Wan drew his lightsaber. "Then we'll go and rescue him. I promised Barris Soffee I'd look after him."

"Barris Soffee?"

"Yeah. Barris Soffee."

"It's Barris Offee, you idiot."

"Really?" Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Odd. Ah well. I guess this explains why whenever I call her Soffee she starts attacking me screaming at the top of her lungs."

"Sweet." Wade waved his hand towards the door. "Come on, we need to leave. Darth Sidious and General Grievous could be on their way to get Anakin as we speak."

Obi-Wan nodded. "You're right. They're probably in their shuttle right now, doing something sinister! Something evil! Something…_unknown_."

_In Darth Sidious' secret lair…_

"Got any threes?"

General Grievous shook his head. "Nope. Go fish."

Sidious threw his cards down. "This is pointless. Maul, have you finished fixing that shuttle yet?"

Maul peeked in the room. "No, it's kind of hard to fix something when you don't have your legs."

"Didn't Grievous glue those back on?"

"Yeah, but they fell off again."

"Fish and chips." Sidious turned to the Droid General. "Grievous, can you please help Maul so we can get to Anakin?"

"Fine." He stomped away. "I'll remember this, though!"

"Remember what?"

"Good question."

Sidious sighed. "The greatest Star Wars villains reduced to nothing but idiots. I wonder how the Jedi are doing."

_At the Jedi Council Chamber…_

Yoda shook his walking stick at the Mister Frodo (a.k.a. the author). "Go away! Ready, we are not!"

Mister Frodo rolled his eyes. "Give me a break…"

"Shoo! Shoo!" Yoda started whacking the author with his staff. "Go! Go!"

"OW! Fine, I'll go." Mister Frodo left through the door, but not before yelling over his shoulder, "I'm going to make you stupid in the second chapter, Yoda!"

_Well, that didn't go well. Um…let's see…who can I cut to? Obi-Wan and Wade? Nah. Oh, I know. Here's the first appearance of the newest original character…_

Clyde loved chocolate.

He carried a couple dozen Hershey's bars everywhere he went, usually stuffed inside his green jacket's pockets. A box of chocolate cereal rested in his backpack alongside a quart of chocolate milk for emergency breakfasts. And, always, _always_, he had a few chocolate kisses stuffed inside his shoes, just to be safe. Yep, Clyde loved chocolate. But not as much as he loved painting.

That's what led Clyde to the Jedi Temple that day. Famed artist Jacques Fu had set up a class at the sacred Jedi home, and Clyde, after paying a fifty dollar supply fee and eating several bowls of Super Chocolate-Coated Chocolately Cereal, arrived for the first ever non-Jedi oriented class taught at the Temple.

He entered the place and surveyed the massive hall. "Wow, this place is big."

Then he remembered that he had forgotten the location of his class!

"Oh no! I just remembered I've forgotten the location of my class!"

Duh. I just said that.

"Oh, right. Sorry."

So Clyde decided to go find someone that would help him. He first tried the Little Jedi Instruction Classes. The cute little children seemed friendly enough, but once their master left the room to run some errands, the kids' happy smiles turned into menacing snarls. Clyde escaped, but not before the children landed several blows with their training sabers. Then he tried the Flower room, only to find Yoda, Mace, and Yaddle eating the plants like an animal. After two disturbing experiences, he reached the Jedi Library.

Upon entering its doors, the librarian, Jocasta Nu, confronted him with a pasted-on smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm lost. I have this art class with Jacques Fu. I don't know where it is."

Jocasta nodded. "Then we'll look it up."

They headed over to the computer. Jocasta typed in some weird code that made absolutely no sense to Clyde or Jocasta for that matter. She turned to Clyde and shook her head. "I'm sorry, but your class does not appear on Archive records."

"Impossible. Perhaps the Archives are incomplete."

Jocasta's pasted-on smile became darker. "If something does not appear on record, than it does not exist."

"But the class—"

"IT DOES NOT EXIST!"

The librarian strode away. Clyde bowed his head. "Great. Now what am I going to do?"

_What will happen? Will Obi-Wan and Wade find Anakin? Will the bad guys get their shuttle running? And will Clyde choose vanilla ice cream over chocolate? Find out next time on _Jedi Nites

_Special Notes:_

_The final section about Clyde might have seemed weird and different from the rest of the chapter. It was kind of based off Princess of Ithilien's story about what Jedi Masters do in their free time. But beside that, I have a special notice to all readers._

_In the last story, Mace was cool in the first chapter but then fell into the disarray of stupidity. Since Mace hasn't really been in the story yet, I'm going to let you decide: Do you want Mace stupid, or smart? You can vote through reviewing. Whichever one gets more votes, I'll use, so vote! And review! _


	2. Cliffhangers!

**Chapter 2 is up! It's not really that great, but I'm hoping to get the meatier stuff in soon. So, here are the reviewer responses.**

**Darth Vyper: Thanks for the review, and thanks for being the only reviewer who voted in the Mace poll. Please, people, learn to do your civic duty.**

**thepenguinsquad: Yeah, I'm glad you found this one early too. I guess it's okay if you can't make up your mind. Though I don't know if you would do this at the presidential election...**

**Duo Jagan: Yeah, I think everybody does hate Jocasta Nu. And no, I am not going to use Baba or Bobo Fett. Learn how to spell.**

**G-Anakin13: The most consistent reviewer is back! I'm HAPPY you read this!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own the metric system, the English system, or Frank Sinatra._

_"No! Abort mission! Abort mission!"_

_"DIE!"_

_"DIE!"_

_"Why, thank you for saying die."_

_"Oh, don't praise me, great warrior. I was only following in your noble footsteps."_

_"I'm so gonna chop your head off."_

_"Ditto."_

Wade the Battle Droid turned off his radio logs and sighed. "And that's all I could get. I was kind of unconscious at the time. Sorry, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan looked at him. "What? Did you say something?"

"I was showing you the recordings I got from the Jedi Council Chamber. I called there and someone picked up the phone, but then they dropped it and I heard that random conversation."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I see. And you said something about being unconscious at the time?"

"Yes. Right before I called I learned a valuable lesson: Droids can't drink coffee."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, I had a pretty bad mess in my circuits."

"No, I mean you're stepping on my toe."

Wade removed his metallic foot from Obi-Wan's big toe. "Oh, sorry. My bad."

The Jedi Knight shrugged. "It's okay. I can live with only one kidney."

"How can stepping on your toe affect your kidney?"

"It can't."

"Then how did you lose your kidney?"

"Because I realized that if you tell the people at Starbucks to heat your coffee up to a gazillion degrees, they'll actually do it. And gazillion-degree coffee can be lethal when spilt…Lethal to kidneys."

"Ouch."

"Yes. But I can't believe coffee is hot! They should put warning labels on those things! I mean, who wants their coffee hot!"

"Uh…"

"Answer me, Wade! We must save the world!"

Suddenly a pack of ravenous chickens tackled Obi-Wan. Wade blew out a sigh of relief. "Phew. I thought that stupid train of thought was going to last forever."

"No! I must destroy hot coffee! Save me, Wade!"

Wade watched Obi-Wan being carried away by the pack of chickens. "Hey, those chickens are the same ones from the first fic. I wonder why they get an appearance in this story but other characters from the first one don't…"

"Ah, but Master Wade, who said I didn't appear in the fic?"

_CLIFFHANGER! Anyway, let's go to the Sith Hideout, where our trio of villains is just in the last stage of fixing their shuttle…_

"Pliers?"

"Check."

"Wrench?"

"Check."

"Darth Sidious' collection of Frank Sinatra CDs?"

"Check and mate."

Darth Maul folded up his clipboard. "Good. Then we're ready to go."

General Grievous stared at him. "Dude. Did you just fold up a clipboard?"

"Yeah. So?"

"You can't fold a clipboard. You only have half a body! Most normal people can't do it!"

Darth Sidious sighed. "Why are we even on this topic?"

Maul rolled his eyes. "Because the author is running out of good jokes. It's late."

"Whatever. Just get on board."

Grievous ran up the shuttle ramp, coughing, as usual. Sidious extended his hand towards the shuttle. "Ladies first."

Maul stared at him. "Then why aren't you going?"

"Give me a break." Sidious rolled his eyes as he entered the ship. "Wear one man skirt when you're chancellor and everybody _has_ to make fun of you…"

_Next we come to the final climax of this chapter. Yeah, the chapter wasn't really that great. Sorry. I'll try to make it up with the next one. Anyway, let us return to the adventures of our newest friend, Clyde…_

Clyde took the paint brush and dipped it into his can of blue paint. He lifted the brush and made a slash on his canvas. Ah, how he loved art. Every stroke gave him new joy. Almost as much joy as eating his eight bowls of Cocoa Puffs a day.

But his bliss would not last. Jocasta Nu rushed up to him, her bun of hair standing on edge. Okay, not really, but you get the picture.

She was, as Clyde like to think of it, very peeved.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU'RE PAINTING ON THE WALL!"

Clyde turned back to his canvas. Only to his utmost horror the canvas turned out to be the wall. "Oh no! My canvas turned out to be the wall!"

I just said that.

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

Jocasta Nu, the evil Jedi librarian, slapped him across the face. "Shame on you! You're disgracing the Jedi temple! You must be an agent of the Dark Side!"

Clyde shook his hands in a negating manner. "I'm sorry, Miss Nu! Look, I'm shaking my hands in a negating manner!"

I JUST SAID THAT!

Clyde shrugged. "So what? It's not my fault if you copy me."

I'm not copying you, you're copying me!

"I am not!"

Jocasta Nu gasped. "Talking to invisible people! You MUST be an agent of the Dark Side! Children, attack!"

Clyde backed away. "No, not the children, please, anything but the children!"

But his pleas came too late. Dozens of kids with mischievous smiles filled the Library, training lightsabers glowing. Clyde turned and bolted. He ran until his legs simply would not keep going and collapsed under him.

In other words, he ran about a dozen feet and then fell down.

Jocasta Nu pointed at him. "Take him, children! He is out of shape! He could only run 144 inches!"

One of the children scratched his head. "But Mistress Nu, what are inches?"

She slapped herself on the forehead. "Great Scott, I forgot! We use the metric system in Star Wars!"

"NO!" Clyde struggled to his feet, aided only by his addiction to chocolate and art. "I will not use your European system! I will not abide by your laws! I will use the English System even if it's the death of me!"

Jocasta Nu rolled her eyes. "You idiot, the English System was developed in _England_."

"Well I'd rather be British than Canadian!" He pulled a string that happened to be next to his head. "So long, Jedi!"

A bucket of water fell from the ceiling and drenched him. He sighed. "Dang it. I always get my switches for buckets of water and trapdoors confused." He pushed down a lever that, for some odd reason, happened to be next to him. "So long, Jedi!"

The trapdoor opened up underneath Clyde's feet. He fell through, screaming something as he went down. Not quite sure what he said. Something about not eating enough Cocoa Puffs in the morning. Anyway, next thing he knew, he had landed in a darkened chamber.

He surveyed the room. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

"I'm here."

"Oh. Who are you?"

A figure in white armor approached him from the shadows. "I think the question you should be asking is, 'How can I help you?'"

"Oh. Okay. How can I help you?"

"You're going to help me. You're going to help me find the one I've lost…A person by the name of—"

_Oh, cliffhanger! Incredible! I wonder what's going to happen. Who was talking to Wade the Battle Droid? Will the Sith get to Anakin before the Jedi? What's going on at the Council Chamber? And who is the mysterious figure in white armor? All these answers and more will be in the next chapter of _Jedi Nites 2_, so keep reading._

_P.S. If you haven't yet, you can vote to determine whether Mace will be smart or stupid. So far the smart side has one vote. See you at the polls!_


	3. One Cliffhanger Resolved

**Chapter 3 is up! And for all of you who voted for Mace being stupid or smart...well...I've made up my mind. Let's just say that anyone who wants to hear some Samuel L. Jacksonish lines will be very happy...**

**thepenguinsquad: You voted too late. Sorry. But your vote was appreciated! And how many brothers do you have?**

**G-Anakin13: Exactly! Mace should be well-written no matter what his level of intelligence is! Bring on the coffee-starved chickens!**

**What, only two reviews? Ah well. Maybe people don't likes this story as much as the first one. Anyway, without further ado, I give you Chapter 3... **

_Disclaimer: I do not own candy companies, Dwayne Wade, Natalie Portman's hair stylist, or pretty much any of the things I use in this story._

_Danger: This chapter is over 1500 words long. Approach with caution._

Obi-Wan Kenobi stared down at the bottomless pit that led to the Coruscant underworld. "I sure wouldn't want to fall down there."

Wade the Battle Droid walked up next to him. "Give me a break. That pit isn't bottomless. It's like, what, ten feet deep?"

"Ten feet is a long way, Wade."

The mysterious figure cleared his throat. Wade turned around. "Oh yeah. We're supposed to introduce you, aren't we?"

The figure nodded.

"Okay. Hi, Count Dooku."

Count Dooku smirked. "But you are mistaken! I am not Count Dooku!"

He pulled off his mask and revealed…Qui-Gon Jinn! Obi-Wan gasped. "Qui-Gon Jinn! The original bearded lady returns!"

"I'll ignore that. But you're mistaken! I'm not really Qui-Gon Jinn!"

He ripped off his mask again to reveal…Dwayne Wade! Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Dwayne? What are you—?"

"What? Did you just breathe on me!" The basketball player pointed at him while jumping up and down. "Foul! At the line! Shoot two!"  
(In case you couldn't tell, I'm a Dallas Mavericks fan.)

Dwayne Wade shrugged. "Ah well. I'm not Dwayne Wade, anyway."

Again, he pulled his mask off to show that he was really…Count Dooku. Obi-Wan sighed. "Was all that really necessary?"

"Yes. Now, watch as I kill you."

Wade stepped forward. "Ha, Dooku! Sith Lords are our specialty!"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, you're not saying it right. Add a little less emphasis. More humor."

"Oh. Right." Wade used a perfect Ewan McGregor accent. "Count Dooku, Sith Lords are our_ specialty_."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Much better."

Dooku snarled. "Enough foolishness! We must now—" He looked up and gulped. "Uh-oh."

"CHARGE!" The Star Wars theme music blasted from the conveniently-placed speakers as Adi Gallia led Mace Windu, Yoda, and Shaak Ti on a rush towards Dooku. The Sith Lord fell before their onslaught, and, once again, was defeated.

Obi-Wan pumped his fist. "Yes! We got kickbutt Jedi on our side now!"

Yoda stared at him and sighed. "Again, faced with the idiot Obi-Wan, I am."

"Nice to see you too, Yoda."

Mace brushed himself off. "Dooku was just a distraction. The real Sith are on their way to Anakin. We must act."

Obi-Wan hugged him. "Mace! You're cool again!"

"Yes. Now get off me."

Shaak Ti surveyed the area as Mace shoved Obi-Wan away. "Hm. It appears that we are in an urban area of lower Coruscant. There are two paths that could lead to Anakin."

Adi nodded. "Right. Shaak Ti, Wade, and I will take one, and Mace, Obi-Wan, and Yoda will take the other."

Yoda groaned. "NO! Be with Obi-Wan, I will not!"

Obi-Wan knelt down next to him. "Come on, Yoda, I'll get you a teddy bear and some lattes…"

Yoda gazed at him with big, puppy-dog eyes. "And a bowl of Lucky Charms?"

"Yes, I will get you a bowl of Lucky Charms." Obi-Wan whistled. "Random passerby! Get Yoda a bowl of Lucky Charms!"

While Yoda got his marshmallow cereal, Wade turned to Adi. "So, Adi, how come I had trouble contacting you when I called the Council chamber?"

"Oh, well, that's a long story…"

_Flashback!_

Yoda hung his broom on the wall with a sigh of content. "Ah. Cleaned the Council chamber, I have."

But just as he was untying his pink, flowery apron, Barris Offee burst into the room. "Master Yoda! I—" She stared at him in his girly apron.

He stared back. "What it looks like, this is not."

Adi dashed into the room and covered Barris' eyes. "Don't look! I should have warned you that Yoda was doing his spring cleaning."

Yoda removed his apron and tossed it into the closet. "Sheesh. Sue me." He Force-pulled Adi's hand away from Barris' eyes. "Now, want something you do, Barris Offee?"

"Yes, Master Yoda." She straightened her robes. "I ask for permission to go on a long and painful journey to the ends of Heck and back."

"Hm…Interesting." Yoda withdrew a Starbucks cup from his robe and began to sip it. "And have a name for this journey, you have?"

"Yes, Master. It's called marriage."

Yoda spat out super-hot coffee and drenched Adi. The Jedi Knight screamed and started running in circles. Yoda stopped her with the Force. "Craziness we already have, Adi. And of it, too much."

Barris sighed. "I knew you would not understand. Have you not felt love for someone in your life, Yoda?"

Yoda pulled his sleeve over his "I love Yaddle" tattoo. "Um, no, felt love, I have not."

"But I must do something about it, Yoda! What am I to do about these feelings of anguish in my soul?"

The phone rang. Adi crossed over to it and scooped it up. "Hello?"

Yoda shook his head. "Wisdom for this, I do not have. The man you want to marry, who is he?"

"Anakin."

Padme jumped out of nowhere screaming at the top of her lungs. "HOW DARE YOU! ANAKIN IS MINE TO DELIVER BAD LINES TO AND MINE ALONE!"

Barris dropped into a fighting stance. "If it's a fight you want, sister, then it's a fight you'll get."

Padme shoved Yoda out the way. The old Jedi Master slammed into Adi, knocking the phone to the floor. Adi waved her hands in an effort to stop them. "No! Abort mission! Abort mission!"

Barris and Padme circled each other. Barris snarled. "DIE!"

"DIE!"

Barris' voice took on a sarcastic tone. "Why, thank you for saying die."

Padme shot back with her own non-serious line. "Oh, don't praise me, great warrior. I was only following in your _noble footsteps_."

Barris growled. "I'm so gonna chop your head off."

"Ditto."

Barris used the Force and hurled some random object at Padme. The Naboo senator ducked, and the random object flew over her and smashed the phone in two. Adi rolled her eyes. "This is so stupid."

Meanwhile, both Padme and Barris had discarded their weapons. They were both currently in the process of slapping each other to death when Mace charged into the room. Everybody froze and stared at his glaring face. He frowned. "When I left the Temple to visit that psychiatrist, I thought I would be leaving behind smart, loving Jedi who wouldn't start fights, break phones, wear flowery aprons, paint on walls, or drop through trapdoors. I guess I was wrong."

Yoda shrugged. "My problem, this is not."

"Fine." Mace helped Adi up off the ground. "I have just received reports that Obi-Wan and Wade the Battle Droid are searching for Anakin. We must join him if we are to get to Anakin before the Sith do."

Adi snapped her fingers. "Dang! Wade was the one on the phone when it got smashed! I hope it wasn't anything important."

"No, probably just something to tie in some weird recording he kept in his databanks to what happened here." Mace pointed at the doorway. "Alright, you guys, let's go."

They filed past. Mace stopped Padme as she neared the exit. "Padme. This is a mission for the Jedi Council. I'm sorry. You can't come."

She made a puppy-dog face. "Please, Mace?"

Mace stared at her with his no-nonsense look. "Maybe if you had hair, I'd actually let you come." He walked out in ultra-cool slow motion. "Sorry. This time, I'm working alone."

_Back to the future!_

Wade nodded. "That makes sense. Okay, are we ready to go?"

Obi-Wan clasped Wade's mechanical shoulder. "Wade, you've been a good companion. I'm sorry we must split apart."

"That's okay, Obi-Wan. I think I'll manage somehow." Wade looked at his fellow female partners. "Are we ready to go?"

"Yep." Adi headed down her path, followed by Wade and Shaak Ti. "See you guys later."

Obi-Wan turned to Yoda. "Yoda, what happened to Barris Offee? I thought she was coming too."

Yoda slapped his forehead. "Argh! Knew I forgot something did I!"

_In a candy store parking lot somewhere out there over the rainbow…_

Barris Offee walked out of the candy shop and made her way to where the Jedi had parked the speeder. She shuffled the paper bags in her arms as she strode past other speeders and the occasional X-Wing. "Hey, Yoda! I got your Pink Pretty Lollipops! And let's see…" She looked at the contents of the bags. "Yeah, I also got Mace's Casual and Cool Candy Corn, Shaak Ti's Red White and Blue Popsicles, Adi's Take No Prisoners energy bars, and, of course, my own little Getting Married Soon Mini-Cake. Made with real icing." She glanced up at the parking spot. "So, are you guys…"

She gaped at the empty spot, her mouth open. Anger and rage rose in her head. "YODA!"

_That's the ender! Yeah, there wasn't anything about the Sith or Clyde…and the chapter was REALLY long. (Odd, isn't it?) Well, I guess we'll have to wait until next time to see if the Jedi find Anakin before the Sith. But what's happened to Clyde? Are the Jedi prepared for a showdown with the Sith? And can Barris Offee ever get back to the others? Find out next time on _Jedi Nites 2

_P.S. Mace is cool again! I'm hoping to keep him this way the entire story. Of course, then I have one less idiot to work with. Ah well. Can't have everything in life._


	4. But Then There's More

**What? Only 16 hits on the last chapter? Preposterous! If that's how you spell preposterous...Anyway...**

**DuoJagan: Ah, darn it, you still exist. So much for that party I was going to throw. **

**Princess of Ithilien: Yeah, I'm sorry your vote came too late. Odd, as soon as I make up my mind that Mace is going to be smart, everybody says he should be stupid...Ah well. Great Scott! Marty, it's the Libyans! (Or whatever that line was.)**

**Jedi Goat: Yay, a new reviewer! Thanks for the review. I liked the flashback too. Of course, I might be just a teenie bit biased.**

**G-Anakin13: Yes, I added Barris and Padme to the story, though Padme probably won't be that big of a character. I don't really want her in the story, which is why she didn't appear at all in the first one. Go figure.**

**Are you ready? Ready ready? Ready ready ready? Okay, I'll stop. Let the fourth chapter begin.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own flying fish, parrots, or mattress stores. Really, I don't. STOP ASKING._

"Clyde. Come to the Dark Side. It is your destiny."

Clyde stared at the white-armored person. "Uh, what are you talking about? I'm not a Jedi. I can't fall to the Dark Side."

"Oh. Right." The white-armored person shrugged. "We'll disregard what I just said. My name is Fred."

"Fred?"

"Yeah, Fred. You know, from that other Mister Frodo Star Wars story, _The Life and Times of Bill and Fred_?"

Clyde nodded. "Yeah, I know that story. Oh, you play Bill, don't you?"

"No."

"Starflyer?"

"No."

"Oh, I've got it this time! You're the Stormtrooper with a Really Big Gun!"

"NO! I'm Fred."

"Dang it! That was going to be my next guess."

Fred shook his head. "This is stupid. Anyway, I saw you trying to escape from the Jedi. It seems we have a mutual enemy."

"Who? Starbucks?"

"No! The Jedi."

"Oh, yeah. Those guys are mean."

Fred motioned at the door leading from the underground cavern. "Well, I have an idea to destroy the Jedi and find Bill. Come with me."

Clyde ran after him. "Hey, wait for me! Man, this is going to be so much cooler than those dozen Hershey's bars I eat every day!"

_Oh no! What's Fred planning? Will Clyde go along with it? And will this subplot ever actually affect the main characters? Those answers will have to wait. Now it's time to switch over to the Jedi in search of Anakin…_

While Yoda happily munched on his Lucky Charms, Mace and Obi-Wan continued a heated discussion on whether or not Anakin was at the mattress shop.

"I don't care what hair-brained theory you are currently arguing about, Obi-Wan." Mace glared at the bearded Jedi Knight. "I suggest you follow my orders, Master Kenobi."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I was merely saying that if we head to Starbucks now, we could all down at least one 100 oz. latte before the Sith got to Anakin."

"That is idiotic. Besides, I hate coffee."

"WHAT!" Obi-Wan gasped. "When did this happen!"

"When I became cool. Cool me hates coffee."

"Then we'll just have to make you stupid again." Obi-Wan whipped out a large bass (the fish, not the instrument). "Hitting you with this should do the trick."

"No!" Mace slapped the fish away. The aquatic animal sprouted golden wings and glided off into the distance. Everybody walking around on Coruscant stopped and gave playful sighs, watching the magnificent creature soar through the clouds. Then a speeder came and splattered it into a million pieces. Mace sighed. "Are you done yet?"

Mister Frodo nodded. "Yeah."

"Good." Mace turned back to Obi-Wan. "You see, Obi-Wan, the only thing that could get me to revert back to stupidity is if I was transformed into a penguin and then drank of cup of Starbucks coffee. Then I would be stupid again."

Obi-Wan snapped his fingers. "Of course! Just when all the Wal-Mart stores are out of Penguinizer rays…"

Yoda tugged on Mace's robe. Mace glanced down. "What is it, Yoda?"

"Found the pretty boy, I have."

They all wheeled around to find themselves face to face with a mattress super store. Sure enough, Anakin was inside, sitting on top of pink mattress writing in his heart-shaped diary. Mace nodded. "Finally, we have found him. Now let's enter the store."

They marched forward like soldiers on patrol. Sadly, at that very moment a man had let his parrot loose because the bird was stealing all his girlfriends, and just as the three Jedi reached the store, the parrot swooped in and scooped up Yoda's bowl of Lucky Charms. Yoda tried to whack the bird with his stick, but to no avail. The parrot soared off into the distance. Yoda's eyes started to fill with tears. "My Lucky Charms, that bird stole. Continue, I cannot."

Mace smacked his forehead. "Of all the lousy things…But Anakin is right in there! We can get him and end this story now!"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Hey, I can get Yoda's Lucky Charms while you guys get Anakin. I'll probably just get in the way if I stay here."

Mace nodded. "A good idea, Obi-Wan. Incredible, you actually showed a level of intelligence."

Obi-Wan grinned. "I did! Yes! Maybe this is a new beginning for me! I will be smart!" He jumped up in triumph and promptly smacked into the wall of the store.

Mace sighed. "As usual…"

While Obi-Wan raced away to retrieve Yoda's Lucky Charms, Mace and Yoda entered the store. Mattresses of all colors and sizes stretched from wall-to-wall. The two Jedi crossed over to Anakin, who had just finished writing in his diary. Anakin looked up. "Hi, guys! Man, it's good to see you. Yo, Mace, you're not still upset about me chopping off your hand, are you?"

Mace held up his handless right arm. "Well, aside from the fact that I'll never play the piano again, no, I'm not upset."

"Good." Anakin started jumping on the bed. "So, what are you guys here for?"

"We have to get you back to the Jedi Temple. Apparently, you're the key to unlock the secrets of the location of The Cheese Dog."

Anakin ceased jumping and his mouth fell open. "You mean I'm the key to finding The Cheese Dog? The ultimate saturated fat power in the universe?"

"Yes. Now come with us, and we can finish this story before the author starts making it unfunny."

Oh, I don't think so.

Mace glanced up. "What? Who's there?"

It's me, the author.

"Oh. Why aren't you communicating to us through your character?"

Because I can talk to you this way.

"Oh. But that seems like a waste of time."

Don't insult the author.

"Fine, I won't."

Good.

"Good."

Anakin pointed forward. "Look! It's the Chancellor!"

Yoda and Mace wheeled around. Sure enough, the Emperor, with Darth Maul and General Grievous on his shoulders, stood in the doorway of the store. All three Sith clutched lightsabers. The Emperor smiled. "Yes, we're here. And this time, you won't get away."

_Oh no! The suspense is killing me! But not as much as this really bad chapter. Sorry, I was lackluster in my writing. I apologize. I also apologize for using big words like "lackluster" and confusing you. Anyway, the next chapter will be a good one. Who will get Anakin? Will the Obi-Wan and the other Jedi get to the battle in time? And what is Fred's diabolical plan to defeat the Jedi and get Bill back? Find out next time on _Jedi Nites 2


	5. Action! SO MUCH ACTION!

**Here it is. The turning point for the entire Jedi Nites saga. What will happen? Will good conquer evil? Will Clyde get his hair cut? These are the questions that trouble my soul.**

**G-Anakin13: Great review.**

**Jedi Goat: Yeah, I didn't want to kill off the flying fish, but it had to go. I did what was best for the story. No, that is not a tear! I merely have something in my eye!**

**Princess of Ithilien: I prefer when Mace is cool. Maybe he'll become stupid later. I don't know. It's not like I'm the one writing this thing, after all.**

**DuoJagan: Yes, Wal-Mart owns the world. Go Wal-Mart! Crush Target! Yeah!**

**thepenguinsquad: If you liked me using the word penguin, you ain't seen nothin' yet...**

_Disclaimer: I do not own turkeys, Back to the Future, mattresses, or Star Wars, which I really rip off in this chapter._

_Note: I'd like to thank the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest soundtrack for getting me through this chapter. It stuck with me the entire time. Go pirates!_

"Cool! Turkeys!"

Fred stared at Clyde. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Clyde shrugged. "Sorry. The author couldn't think of any good way to begin the chapter, so I got the call. And I answered that call."

"Great, Captain America. Go stand over there where you can't break anything."  
"Okay." Clyde moved to the corner of the room. He surveyed the large control chamber in which he stood. A massive computer screen sat on one wall, while a few dozen separate monitors rested on the wall opposite. Fred lay on his back near the main computer, working with some wires. As Clyde ooed and awed over the shiny buttons, Fred went over their plan.

"Okay, here's the plan." Fred twisted a couple wires together. "I'm going to open up a portal to an alternate dimension. See, I've found that a lot of the main Jedi are at this mattress store in lower Coruscant. After frying a few parrots and cereal bowls, I made a connection with the store. Once I press this button, the portal will open up, and the Jedi will come in. This is foolproof. So, do you get the plan?"

Clyde nodded.

Fred stood up and sighed. "You didn't even listen to me, did you?"

"Uh…no."  
Fred took his knuckles and knocked on Clyde's head with them. "Hello! Hello, McFly!"

Clyde rubbed his scalp. "Ow! That hurt."

"Great Scott! Marty, it's the Libyans!"

"What?"

Fred went back to working. "Sorry. Sometimes working on scientific stuff makes me quote old 1980s time-traveling movies."

"Oh, like Return of the Jedi!"

Fred furrowed his brow. "That's not time-travel."

Clyde rolled his eyes. "It has the word 'return' in it. And they call me stupid."

"Just kill me now. Please, kill me now."

_Oh no! What's going to happen? Well, we'll never know by just standing here doing nothing. Let's move on to the Jedi at the mattress store, on the verge of a confrontation with the Sith…_

Mace drew his lightsaber. "Chancellor."

The Emperor shook his head. "No. Now I'm the Emperor!"

"Oh. Sorry for the mistake."

"That's all right. People do it all the time."

Yoda lit his weapon. "Defeat us, you shall not, Emperor!"

Darth Maul leapt in front of the tiny, green warrior. "Not so fast, Yoda. You're mine."  
All this brought tears to Anakin's eyes. "Why do we have to fight?! Why can't we all just get along?!"

Everybody stared at him. Mace raised his eyebrows. "You done?"

Anakin nodded. "Yeah."

"Good."

The Jedi and Sith separated into separate fights. While Mace battled with the Emperor, Yoda took on Darth Maul. Anakin surveyed the area. "Hm…maybe if I start running now, I can make it."

"Anakin Skywalker." General Grievous landed next to the Jedi Knight. "I was expecting someone of your reputation to be a bit…_older_."

Anakin met the droid general in the eyes. "General Grievous. You're weaker than I expected."

"What?!" Grievous drew back. "How dare you!"  
"It's true. I mean, Obi-Wan smokes you in the movie."

"But you won't." The general drew four lightsabers. "I have been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Dooku!"

"Yeah, but I chopped Dooku's head off."

Grievous paused. "Oh. Yeah."

Meanwhile, Mace and the Emperor dueled it out on top of stack of mattresses. Mace landed a blow on the Sith Lord's cloak. Palpatine roared. "I paid for that cloak specially! You imbecile! I will crush you!"

"Not if anything to say about it, I have!"

Yoda jumped between the two, snatching the Emperor's lightsaber as he flew past. Maul also leapt in between Mace and the Emperor, only he accidentally stuck out his double-bladed lightsaber and took Palpatine's hand off. The Sith Lord cried out in pain. "Ah!"

All this dashing too and fro made the pile of mattresses sway back and forth. Mace surveyed the floor of the store. He noticed that Grievous had his back turned to him. If he could jump just right, the general would be his.

But just when he got ready to act, the stack began to fall to the ground. Palpatine tumbled down, screaming. Mace did a double-triple-backflip-helix-kickflip and landed on his feet. He looked up to see the mattress pile plummeting towards him. In an awesome display of acrobatics, he cart wheeled to safety ahead of falling beds.

A few dozen feet away, Anakin pulled some cool, obviously CGI lightsaber moves on Grievous. The droid general scrambled to block the rush of attacks. "I thought you were girly and wimpy!"

"I was, but now I've changed!" Anakin spun his saber around and severed all four of Grievous' hands. He caught one of the general's lightsabers in his left hand. Disbelief, fear, surprise; Anakin couldn't tell what was running through the alien cyborg's mind, but Anakin knew that he had gained the upper hand.

He crisscrossed his two blades at the droid general's neck. "You are defeated, Grievous."

The Emperor clapped. "Good, Anakin, good. Now kill him. Kill him now."  
Anakin looked over at Palpatine and furrowed his brow. "Palpatine? But you were just trapped under that pile of mattresses, and Darth Maul cut off your hand. How are you clapping?"

"Oh, my boy, just go along with the plot device."

"I shouldn't…It's not the Jedi way."

"_Do it_."

A pigeon burst in a snatched the Emperor's box of crackers. He dashed after it. "No! Not the crackers, you stupid bird!"

At the other side of the store, Yoda and Maul continued their own fight. Yoda used his lightsaber and the Emperor's in a dual effort to block out Maul's double-bladed weapon. As much as Maul tried, he couldn't find an opening. He tired to bump Yoda in the nose, like he did with Qui-Gon, but sadly, it did not work.

But, much to Maul's liking, Yoda slipped on the freshly-waxed tile. Maul saw his opening and grinned.

Unfortunately, at that very moment, the bubble gum that had held Maul together broke apart. His torso slid off of his legs, and he found himself, yet again, half the man he had been. "Tartar sauce! Why does this always have to happen to me?"

Leaving Maul to his own fate, Yoda headed over to where Anakin had General Grievous cornered. Anakin still held his two lightsabers at the alien cyborg's neck. Yoda skidded to a stop next to the Jedi Knight. "Anakin, kill him, you must not! Help us, he can!"

"Okay, Master Yoda. I won't kill him. In fact, I bet we can be best—_ah-choo_!" Anakin sneezed. The lightsabers slipped forward, beheading the droid general. Anakin stared at the headless body lying on the floor. "Oops."

Yoda slapped himself in the forehead. "Why bother, do I?"

Mace jogged up. "Hey, guys. Looks like we won."  
Anakin nodded. "Yep. The Emperor's chasing after some pigeon, Maul only has half a body, and, Grievous has found a new way to get a_head_ in life." He chuckled at his own joke. "I think we've won this battle."

The doors to the store burst open. Shaak Ti, Adi, and Wade rushed inside. Adi surveyed the room. "Wow. Did we miss something?"  
"No, not really." Anakin grinned. "We just knocked some major socks off."  
"And not just _any_ major socks, either," Mace chimed in. "Sith Lord socks."

Yoda nodded. "Yes, accomplished a mission, we have."

Shaak Ti furrowed her brow. "Odd. It seems like this is over so soon. It just seems too easy."

Wade shrugged. "Hey, let's enjoy this. I mean, come on, it's not like someone is going to open up a portal to an alternate dimension in this very same mattress store and suck us in, right?"

_In Fred's control room…_

Fred took a deep breath to calm his nerves. "Okay, it's show time."

Clyde nodded. "Yeah. So, exactly what are we showing?"

"Time to pull the switch."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Clyde stared at Fred. "Done yet?"  
"Are you?"

"Yep."

"Then let it begin." Fred pulled the lever. Electricity ran to the computer, producing lots of sparkly lights and beeping sounds. As Clyde gazed at the screen, mesmerized, Fred ran over the formula again. He stopped, stricken with horror.

Clyde stared at him. "What's wrong?"

"I can't believe this!" Fred slammed his fist against the wall. "Ow! That hurts!"

"Well duh. You're not Superman; you can't go slamming your fist into walls."  
"I can't believe I did that!" Fred hurried to the mega-computer and began frantically typing in codes. "No! Shut it down! Shut it down!"

"Shut what down? What's wrong?!"  
Fred continued to type as fast as he possibly could. "I miscalculated!"

"Miscalculated how?"

"I miscalculated how to open the dimension! With how I did it, the Jedi will—"

He collapsed from a sudden attack of the common cold. Clyde knelt next to him. "Fred! Fred! Wake up, Fred!"

"He's not waking up."  
Clyde looked up at the doorway. A shadowed figure stood there, holding a sword. Clyde squinted. "Who are you?"  
"The End." The figure pointed at Clyde with his blade. "And now it's time for you to go to sleep. Forever. Mwah hah ha hah ha hah ha!"


	6. Recap and Redux

**They're back! Yes, that's right, after over a month, Jedi Nites 2 is back! Why the long wait? I was participating in the National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, for all of November, so I was kind of bogged down. But enough about that. It's time for the reviewer responses!**

**G-Anakin13: Yeah, Chapter 5 was Anakin's moment. It was time for him to become a hero. And it was a time to rip off Episode 3. Yay for the Star Wars prequels!**

**Princess of Ithilien: Weird. I got raised on the Star Wars movies. But Back to the Future (at least the first one) is one of my dad's favorite movies. Great Scott!**

**Jedi Goat: Thank you for the review! Yes! **

**thepenguinsquad: Wow. That's a great complement. Or compliment. Sorry, I can't spell right now. Thank you for the awesome review! Double yes!**

**And now on to the sixth chapter of Jedi Nites 2. I decided to include a brief recap of the story so far, mainly because I was bored and hadn't written any fan fic in over a month. So, enjoy, and remember: The duck will be with you. Always.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own bold text, hamburger grills, _Worms 4_, the feeling of déjà vu, Star Wars lines, stuffed ducks, or mattress store employees. But I'm working on it._

_Previously on _**Jedi Nites 2: The Search for Anakin**_…_

_Following the events of the first Jedi Nites story, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and Wade the Battle Droid began a quest to find Obi-Wan's former apprentice and fellow Jedi **Anakin Skywalker**. Unfortunately, they were not alone in their quest. The Sith, headed by Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine, were also searching for Anakin. According to an unknown plot device, Anakin held the key for how to find and activate the greatest saturated fat power in the universe: **The Cheese Dog**._

_Luckily for Obi-Wan and Wade, they had the Jedi Council on their side. With the Jedi Masters Yoda, Mace Windu, Shaak Ti, and Adi Gallia, they tracked Anakin to the Coruscant underworld and began looking for him. But that wasn't the only thing going on in Coruscant. Nearby in the Jedi Temple, a young aspiring artist/chocolate lover known to his friends as **Clyde** had gotten lost while on his way to an art class. After being attacked by Jedi children, Clyde met Fred, a stormtrooper from the Mister Frodo fan fic story_ **The Life and Times of Bill and Fred**_. Fred was searching for his friend Bill. He teamed up with Clyde in an effort to destroy the Jedi and discover Bill as well._

_Meanwhile, the Jedi found Anakin at a mattress store. After a heated battle with the Sith, they all came together at the store, except for Obi-Wan, who had gone off chasing an evil bird, and** Barris Offee**, a Jedi who had been left by the others at a candy shop. But as they were celebrating their victory, Fred was hatching his plan against the Jedi. He formed a machine to transport all the Jedi to an alternate dimension, but then, shortly after activating the device, he realized he had miscalculated. The fifth chapter and first act of Jedi Nites 2 ended with Fred passing out, and as Clyde tried to wake him, a mysterious figure identifying himself only as **"The End"** entered with a sword and the desire to kill both **of **them._

_But this is not **where** the sixth chapter, or second act, of Jedi Nites 2 begins. It instead begins **in** a certain mattress store, where several Jedi are celebrating their first major victory over **the** evil Sith…._

Mace flipped the hamburger patty on the grill. It hit against the burning metal surface with a satisfying sizzle. He sniffed in its meaty goodness and, in keeping with his Samuel L. Jackson coolness, nodded with content. "This party's over."

Yoda stared at him. "In riddles you speak, yes? If begun, party had not yet, then the party end, how could?"

Mace furrowed his brow. "I apologize, Yoda, but I didn't understand a word you just said."

Yoda nodded. "Understood, that is. A month-long hiatus, the author has had. Rusty, his skills are."

Wade walked up to them. "Man, those burgers look good."

Yoda pointed at him with his gaffer stick. "Wade, eat these burgers, you can not, for a droid, you are."

"Fine." Wade sniffed. "Remind a guy of a sad fact."

"Technically, Wade, you're not a guy." Mace went back to flipping the patties, making sure to straighten his "I Kick Rear End. I Kick Your Rear End" apron. "You're a droid. Droids don't really count as 'guys.' It's all basic second-grade cosmetics."

As Wade puzzled over Mace's last comment, Yoda started up a conversation with Adi and Shaak Ti, who were busy setting up tables for the victory party. "Relax, we should not, for present, this evil still is."

Adi shrugged. "Normally I'm supposed to say something smart in response, but right now I say, why bother? How can celebrating our victory be a bad thing?"

Yoda put a hand to his chin. "Hm…Well, hurt the employees, it could."

Adi glanced around. Sure enough, the forgotten mattress store employees were hiding behind a large sofa, shaking in fear. Or constipation. It's not like they were talking about their emotions or displaying them in bright neon orange signs.

Adi shrugged. "Normally I'm supposed to say something smart in response, but right now I say, why bother? How…" She stopped. "Hold on. I have this odd feeling of déjà vu."

Anakin nodded. "Yeah, I had that once. It was when I was screaming 'They acted like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals.I hate them!' right after I played Worms 4 and I killed all the computer player's worms. It was like I had said those words before...It's just weird…Weird…"

They all looked at him. Yoda cocked his head to the side. "Do something, you should, Anakin, or wasted, your talents will be."

Anakin grinned. "No can do, Yoda. I'm basking in the fact that I'm no longer a stupid little girly pretty boy but I'm now a majorly awesome kickbutt Jedi warrior. Yet I still have all those stupid adverbs and adjectives in front of my title…"

Adi shrugged again. "As I said before. How can celebrating our victory be a bad thing? We've earned it. I think this is the start of something great."

Yoda smiled in response. "Right, you are. Go wrong, nothing possibly can. Right, am I not?"

_But is Yoda right? Will something go wrong? To find the answer to that question, we now go back to the Jedi Temple, where Clyde is in dire peril…_

Clyde threw up his arms. "Help me! I'm in dire peril!"

"It doesn't matter." The mysterious figure called The End stepped towards Clyde and the unconscious Fred, a sword in his right hand. "I'm going to end this. You don't know how long I have waited for this. This is my moment of triumph!"

Clyde whipped out a gigantic, fluffy, stuffed duck. "Well, beat this!"

"What?"

Clyde tossed the duck at The End. The sword-wielding warrior fell to the ground with the duck on his face. "Ahhhhhh! It's eating me with its quack power! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Clyde slung the unconscious Fred over his shoulder and attempted to dash out of the room in heroic fashion. Then he remembered he wasn't very strong and fell to his knees under the weight of Fred's badly designed stormtrooper armor. Suddenly, as he clawed his way to the doorway, he recalled something his old grandfather used to say.

_"Use the duck, Clyde."_

He shook his head. "No, it was that other thing my old grandfather used to say."

_"Oh, yeah. Run, duck, run! Remember, the duck will be with you. Always. I have a bad duckling about this. Punch it, Ducky! Shut him duck or shut him down! Great shot, duck, that was one in a million! I have you now, duck. The duck is strong with this one. You will bring Solo and the duck to me. Meesa Ducky Binks! Meesa yousa humble servant! That is the sound of a thousand terrible ducks heading this way… Okay, did I rip off enough Star Wars lines for you?"_

Clyde thought about this for a moment. "No, you didn't do my favorite."

_"Right, of course. Ahem. Do you wanna buy some duck sticks? You don't want to sell me duck sticks. Ah, I don't wanna buy you duck sticks. You want to go home and rethink your duck. I want to go home and rethink my duck."_

With those corny Star Wars rip-offs inspiring him, Clyde charged through the door. Which, it turned out, was a window. Which, it turned out, was on the hundredth floor of the Jedi Temple. Which, it turned out, was only ninety-nine stories tall, so a logical fallacy opened and sucked Clyde, with Fred still on his back, into the Coruscant skyline.

As the two plunged towards their doom, Fred woke up. "Yawn… Well, that was a good nap." He looked down. "Hey, what do you know? I'm plunging to my death."

Clyde furrowed his brow. "Aren't you worried?"

"No. Last time this happened, I ended up on Hoth."

"Oh. Okay." Clyde put his hands behind his head and relaxed. "So, what was all that stuff about how you miscalculated the formula?"

"Yeah, that. Well, I realized that I messed up in my design. I didn't exactly open up a portal to an alternate dimension. Actually, I missed the mark by a lot."

"So what did you do?"

"You'll see." Fred exhaled and let his body fall to a certain death. "You'll all see."

_What did Fred mess up? Who is this The End person? What will happen to the Jedi? And what about Obi-Wan and Barris Offee? Where are they? Tune in next time to find out! _


	7. The Plot Thickens, I Think

**Yay! Chapter 7 is here! And it's long. Very long. Almost 2000 words long. Anyway, here are the reviewer responses.**

**thepenguinsquad: Yeah, he didn't have any chocolate, did he? Maybe this hints toward a change in his character. And no, it was not a chocolate duck. Then the bad guy could have just eaten it and still gotten Clyde. I never realized a party could be over before it's started... I could use that.**

**G-Anakin13: Regarding NaNoWriMo, I got 50,000 words of my novel done before time ran out! It was so cool. I even wrote 34,000 words in 15 days during one stretch. Thanks for asking how it went.**

**Jedi Goat: Though I liked using all the ducks, I began very self-conscious of the word's usage. Let's just say that duck isn't the only word that ends with the letters "ck"...**

**Princess of Ithilien: Thank you for calling me rusty. That means I'm like some type of grizzled veteran, right? turns to imaginary friend Clark, who shakes his head Oh. Well, whatever. Anyway, I've never actually seen Pride & Prejudice, and I haven't seen The Princess Bride in a long, long time. But I do watch Star Wars! I'm almost addicted to it. Punch it, Chewie!**

**So here's Chapter 7. Let the fun begin...**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft, a Wii, a PlayStation 3, an Xbox 360, Legend of Zelda, Star Wars, George Lucas' sense of time, Natalie Portman's hair stylist, stormtroopers, piggyback rides, pink flowery aprons, emboldened voices, Bud Light, Miller Light, Darth Vader's costume, Alec Guinness, Lucky Charms, mattress stores, long subplots, Barney pajamas, or Questions of the Day._

_Question of the Day: Why the heck is the disclaimer so long? _

"Wiimote…Wiimote…I must find thee…"

Mace shook his head. "Seriously, Anakin, if you expect to be cool, you have to stop this insane wishing for the Nintendo Wii. It is one of the dumbest gaming consoles ever."

Yoda made his way to them, walking with his staff in his hands. "Wrong, you are, Mace, for have a Legend of Zelda game, it does."

Mace sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll give you that. But the Wii has inferior graphics when compared to the Playstation 3 and the Xbox 360."

Anakin nodded. "Yes, but the Playstation 3 doesn't have any standout games."

"The 360 does, though. It has stuff like Gears of War, Viva Piñata…and it even has two or three Halo games on the way. It's obviously the best next-gen console."

Anakin snorted. "Well, excuse me, but I do believe that the 360 has had a year to prepare its lineup. Besides, it didn't have a launch game like Twilight Princess."

"Zelda stinks."

"No way!" Anakin's mouth dropped open. "You don't like Zelda?"

Mace glared at him. "That is my opinion, Anakin, it is not debatable. I play video games, but I do not like Zelda."

"What?" Anakin stared at him in disbelief. "How can you play video games and not like Zelda? It's unfair!"

"Take a seat, young Skywalker."

"Fine." Anakin plopped down on the bench of the nearby table. "I'll only eat your hamburgers grudgingly, though."

Wade sat down next to the Jedi and put a mechanical arm around him. "Ah, buck up, Anakin! We've won, for once. You should be happy."

Anakin put his hand on his hands. "How can I be happy? My wife has shaved her head. My former master is an idiot. And even Yoda's gone off the deep end."

Having heard his words, Yoda decided to stash his pink, flowery apron and show it to Anakin another time. With a grunt he shuffled over to the Jedi. "Rejoice you should, Anakin, for defeated the Sith, we have."

This just made him pout even more. "Great. Now I don't even get to put on that cool mask and cape and become Darth Vader. Why must the good not burn up in lava?!"

Wade furrowed his brow in his browless furrowing way. "That sounds painful."

"Whatever." Anakin glanced out the window. "Oh my gosh. It's Bill."

"Who?"

"That guy from Mister Frodo's Star Wars Battlefront comedy. You know, Bill." Anakin jumped up from his seat. "I have to get his autograph."

All of the Jedi watched Anakin dash outside and tackle the stormtrooper. Yoda shrugged. "Hm. When give you lemons, life does, make lemonade, you should."

Mace shook his head. "Actually, Yoda, we are all over the age of twenty-one. That means we can drink Bud Light. Well, except for Wade."

Wade pounded his head on the picnic table. "Why, George? Why did you have to make Episode III only thirteen years after Episode I? Why must I be a teenager?"

"Oh, go scrap yourself." Mace turned to Yoda. "Okay, Yoda, go grab the Bud Light. No, on second thought, get Miller Light. Great taste. Less filling. Miller Light. Good call."

Yoda rolled his eyes. "Spell 'Light' wrong, I think the author did."

"Whatever."

Adi sighed. "You know, I haven't gotten to speak this entire chapter. What is this, the males-only group?"

Shaak Ti nodded. "Yeah. Give us chance, author!"

But just as the Jedi were about to begin their giant victory meal, and Adi and Shaak Ti were about to assassinate the author, a whirling pool of purple swirls appeared on the wall. Wade stared at the strange object. "What is it?"

**You'll never know.**

"Who said that?!"

**You'll never know.**

And with that, a flash of light filled the room, and they all passed out.

_Oh no! What will happen to the Jedi? Is this part of Fred's miscalculation? And what of Anakin and Bill (if it really was Bill)? Ah well. Enough questions. On to the next part of the chapter…_

Obi-Wan strode through the walkways of the Coruscant lower levels, a bowl of Lucky Charms in his hand. He sniffed the soggy marshmallows and grew jealous of Yoda's sugary cereal. "Well, if I take one bite… Just one…"

Just as he was giving into temptation, Barris Offee ran up, her arms laden with candy. "Obi-Wan! How are you?"

Obi-Wan swallowed. "Oh no! It's my secret love, Barris Offee!"

The female Jedi frowned. "I'm your secret love? How come you never mentioned me before?"

"Oh no! I'm saying all my personal thoughts out loud for all to hear! I feel like such an idiot!"

Barris, being pretty much the only nice character, took pity on the hapless Obi-Wan. "It's okay, Obi-Wan. You're not an idiot."

"Yes I am! I secretly love you and have been spying on you for the past three years! I even convinced Anakin not to date you!" He slapped himself on the forehead. "Oh! I am such an idiot!"

Barris stared at him, her mouth open. "You mean you're the reason Anakin's never asked me out on a date?"

Obi-Wan struggled to find some way to dodge the truth. "Well, Barris, you see, Anakin has never really liked you, and, well, you know, I just wanted to have someone to call my own, and Anakin had Padme, so, you know, I was… I was… Oh, fish and chips."

Remember how I said Barris was the only nice character? I may have spoken to soon. Candy forgotten, Barris screamed and launched herself at the Jedi. Obi-Wan tried to run away, but she was too fast.

As Barris clawed at his face, Obi-Wan thought he caught sight of Anakin having a piggy back ride on a stormtrooper. But since he had ten fingers scratching through his skin at the moment, he could have been mistaken.

Just then a giant sheep flew over them. Obi-Wan followed the mammal's path. His eyes came to rest on the mattress store far off in the distance. He struggled to escape from Barris' grip. "Barris, look! The mattress store! All the Jedi are there, fighting the Sith! We need to go help them!"

Barris halted her attack. "You mean Anakin will be there?"

"Yes!" Obi-Wan gasped for air. "Will you please let me go so we can go there and meet up with them?"

Barris rose to her feet, dusting herself off. "Good. My Master will be very happy that I've finally found someone who will care for me."

"I'll care for you, Barris!"

"I don't like you. Besides, you're British."

Obi-Wan sighed as he stood. "Why does everybody take that out on me? Is it my fault Ewan McGregor is British?"

"Maybe George Lucas should have hired someone else."

"I hate to correct you, but come on! Alec Guinness was British! What was Lucas going to do, pick a French guy?"

Barris shrugged. "I don't have time for geeky discussions. I'm not that big of a Star Wars fan, to tell the truth."

"But you're in Star Wars."

"So what? That doesn't mean I have to love it."

Just as the discussion seemed to be turning bitter, two people fell from the sky and smacked on the ground next to Obi-Wan and Barris. Obi-Wan furrowed his brow at the new arrivals. "Who are you two?"

"Dang it!" One of the pair, a stormtrooper, got to his feet. "I did mess up those calculations. Some of the Jedi are still alive."

The other person, a young man of twenty-something, started searching the area around him. "Oh no! Where's my backpack?! Where's my backpack?! Where's my BACKPACK?!"

Obi-Wan stared at the two. "You still haven't answered my question."

The stormtrooper rolled his eyes. How we know he rolled his eyes, since he was wearing a helmet, is unknown, but research into the area has been very close to finding an answer. "Sorry. My name's Fred. That guy that's searching for his backpack is Clyde. I almost sent you all into an alternate dimension."

Barris snorted. "And you expect us to be nice to you?"

Obi-Wan held up a hand. "Hold on, everybody. What did you mean by 'almost'?"

Clyde nodded. "And what did you mean by 'into'?"

Fred glared at him. "I hate you, Clyde. Anyway, I wanted a way to defeat the Jedi and bring Bill back. So I tried to send you all into an alternate dimension. I targeted the mattress store, but, sadly, I miscalculated."

Somebody started continuously screaming. They all looked around, confused, until they realized it was Clyde who was screaming. Obi-Wan turned his gaze to Fred. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's addicted to chocolate. I think his chocolate withdrawal is catching up with him."

"Oh. Did he tell you about that?"

Fred shook his head. "No, I read the story and found out."

Obi-Wan put a hand to his chin. "Now why didn't I think of that?"

At that moment Clyde ran out of oxygen and passed out. Fred knelt down next to his companion. "Clyde! Clyde, you can't leave me! Clyde, I have to tell you something!" He sighed. "No use. He's out cold."

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow again. "What did you have to tell him?"

"I don't know. The author makes up weird stuff like that. I think he does it to create subplots that run about eighty chapters long and completely kill the story."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Ah. That makes sense."

Fred slung Clyde over his shoulder. "Come on; let's go to the mattress store."

Barris glared at him. "How do we know we can trust you?"

"You don't." Fred grunted under the weight of Clyde, who actually isn't that fat, which is surprising, considering all the chocolate he eats. "But you know the truth about me in your heart."

Obi-Wan gasped. "So you do wear Barney pajamas! I knew it!"

"No one's supposed to know about that! How dare you?!"

Barris pointed at the sky. "Everybody, look!"

_Oh no! It's a cliffhanger! What's in the sky? What happened to the Jedi? Who was that emboldened voice? Where are the Sith? For the answers to all of these questions, tune in for the next installment of _Jedi Nites 2: The Search for Anakin


	8. This Is Chapter Eight No Really It Is

**The new chapter is here! Sorry it took me a while. I was busy and couldn't get the chapter up very quickly. Ah well. Here, at last, is chapter eight of Jedi Nites 2: The Search for Anakin. First are the reviewer respones...**

**Princess of Ithilien: Thanks for the review. I wonder, is the newest movie adaption starring Keira Knightley any good? I think my mom owns that one, though I'm not sure. Anyway, it's good to help people who have to go to school. I'm homeschooled, so I just stay home. Except for my co-op classes. So I guess I'm not 100 homeschooled. Ah well. It still is pretty nice.**

**G-Anakin13: Cool review. It's neat that you've reviewed every single chapter. Thank you!**

**And now, the chapter begins.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own giant blimps, trios of four, or bunny rabbits. Really, I don't._

"Look!"

Everybody looked at the sky. A giant blimp flew overhead. Fred drew his blaster. "Time to die, blimp!"

He fired, hitting the blimp in the gas tank, which caused a huge explosion that threw Coruscant out of orbit and towards the sun. Okay, not really. He actually had no ammo in his gun, so it just clicked and some weird disembodied voice said, "You are out of ammo. Reload."

Fred snapped his fingers. "Dang! Gets me every time…"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Ah well. Now that that…No, wait, let me rephrase that. Now that that…Now that the that…No, I mean, now that that that only no, that, er, no, that that, no, had, no, negative, er, that that that, no, I mean…"

Barris groaned. "Just spit it out already!"

"Fine!" He spat out his gum, hitting Jar Jar Binks, who then toppled down about a million feet towards the planet core. Sadly, he could fly and soared away at the last possible moment. Obi-Wan took a deep breath in order to calm himself and stop the author's madne… Wait a minute! What do you mean by madness?!

Obi-Wan froze. "Um…Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just, um, joking."

Fine. But don't expect any birthday presents this year.

"Whatever. Now can I say what I was supposed to say?"

Yes.

"Good." Obi-Wan turned to his companions. "Okay, as I was saying, now that that…that that…that that… Oh, just forget it! Let's go to the mattress store!"

So the trio, no, wait, there are four of them. What do you call a trio of four? Oh, never mind. So the four set out, though, actually, Clyde was still on Fred's back, having collapsed from a coma induced by chocolate deprivation. Whatever deprivation means.

As they walked, Obi-Wan and Fred stuck up a conversation. The Jedi Knight looked at the stormtrooper. "So why did you want to kill us, Fred?"

"Because all of my life I wanted to be a Jedi. I'm even a little Force-sensitive. But you stupid Jedi, you kept saying things about me being too old; that Yoda dude was all like 'too old, he is' and man, I wasn't four years old yet! I wasn't even potty-trained then! But no, we can't all be Anakin Skywalker, and I got shoved out of the way. So when I got old enough I joined the Empire and swore that if I ever had the chance to send the Jedi into an alternate dimension, I would take it."

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "But how could you be in this if you're a stormtrooper? The Empire hasn't even been formed yet. That's like going against the Star Wars timeline. And you know how picky fans are about that timeline."

"Whatever. I was in the Battle of Hoth and ended up here somehow. If you want to know more, you can read about in _The Life and Times of Bill and Fred: Volume 2_."

Barris snorted. "The author is just trying to get people to read his stupid sequel to that lame Star Wars: Battlefront story."

Fred shook his head. "No. The author always has pure motives."

"Do you act nice to the author so he won't kill you and end your series?"

Fred thought about it for a moment. "Uh…Yeah, pretty much."

Obi-Wan sighed. "I know why you don't like Star Wars: Battlefront, Barris. It's because you're a girl."

She glared at him. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Girls hate video games. It's a proven fact."

"No it's not, you insensitive jerk! Do some actual research!"

Obi-Wan chuckled. "I don't need to. Girls are all idiots who can't even hold a controller the right way. That is also a proven fact."

"HYAH!"

A mass of girls picked up Obi-Wan and carried him away. Barris laughed. "Ha! Serves you right! If you come back here I'll kick your butt in Halo, Star Wars: Battlefront, Super Smash Bros…. Name it, and I'll beat you in it!"

Fred stared at her. "So girls really are great video game players?"

"Heck yeah. A girl could easily beat a boy in any game. I bet there would be more female video game players if video game companies and video game magazines stopped parading around women in scanty outfits. That kind of stuff is exactly why the moral state of the industry these days is so bad." Barris put an arm around the stormtrooper's shoulder, a tricky thing to do considering he was carrying a person. "I'll explain it to you on the way to the store."

_As Barris talks about the stupid and vile video game industry, we now go to the Sith, who are in process of a major overhaul…_

Emperor Palpatine sat in his chair in his office. He sighed, knowing that his last battle with the Jedi had ended rather badly for his side. He now had very few agents of evil to call on for assistance, especially since Wade the Battle Droid, his once great friend and ally, had joined with the Jedi. He had gathered his last soldiers into his office in a secret, confidential meeting. Qui-Gon Jinn, Jango Fett, and last, but definitely least, Jar Jar Binks.

Palpatine cleared his throat. "I think you know why I called you here today."

Qui-Gon gave a thoughtful pose that made him look like he was really thinking when in actuality he was merely pondering the existence of bunny rabbits. "Actually, no, we don't know why you called us here. Please tell us."

Palpatine stared at the headless and handless Jango Fett. "Jango. I need you to call up all of your clone soldiers and get them to come here."

Jango scratched his head. Actually, he just rubbed his arm stumps against the empty hole at the top of his body, but if you saw it, you would get the picture. "I don't think they'll all fit here, sir."

"Well, we'll keep them in the back lot." The Emperor turned to Qui-Gon. "Qui-Gon, I need you to recruit an army of ninja bunny rabbits for the advance force. You will need to attack swiftly if my plan is to succeed."

Jar Jar looked at the former chancellor. "And what abou meesa, Emperory Palpatiny?"

Palpatine grinned. "Oh, I have a special task for you, Mr. Binks. I have a very special task for you."

_Oh no! What are the Sith planning? I wonder… Anyway, let's go back to Barris Offee, Fred, and Clyde, who are nearing the mattress store…_

Fred sighed with relief as he caught sight of the store. "Thank goodness. We're finally here."

Barris looked at him. "You know, when the Jedi realize that you tried to send them to another dimension, they're gonna kill you. I wouldn't be so relieved."

The stormtrooper set Clyde on the ground. "No, they won't, not in their current state."

Barris stared at him. "Wait. What do you mean by 'their current state'?"

"Oh, you'll see." Fred strode towards the mattress store. "You'll all see."

_Oh no! What happened to the Jedi? Will Clyde ever wake up? Why was the ending part of the story so short? Will we ever find out? Tune in next time to _Jedi Nites 2 _for more answers!_


	9. The Revelation

**Yes, it's that time again. Time to run from evil manaical blobs of... No, wait, it's not that time. It's time for another chapter of Jedi Nites 2! Yay! Here, without further ado, are the reviewer responses.**

**G-Anakin13: Thank you good review**

**Princess of Ithilien: Yes, those comments are true. That's why I hate the video game industry (or at least parts of it). And why I also try to stay away from games like that. Stupid Final Fantasy... Why must the good games be foul?!**

**thepenguinsquad: Wow. I've never had someone quote Webster's in a review. A review first! Yay! And, yeah, I figured out the quartet thing. But come on, what sounds cooler? Trio of four? Or quartet?**

**Finally, the story gets moving. Yes, we have some major revelations in this chapter. Finally! The story is moving! Yes! Good! Now read! Read!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own huge billboards, bottles of cheese spray, or penguins. _

Obi-Wan rubbed his head, wincing. "Ow. Those fangirls sure pack a powerful punch."

Pandalf the Pink nodded in agreement.

Obi-Wan looked at the wizard. "Sorry, Pandalf, but this is a Star Wars story. You can't be here."

Pandalf sighed and then spontaneously combusted.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Poor guy. Anyhow, I wonder where Barris and that stormtrooper got off to…"

He strolled through the large crowds of people and aliens, ignoring the stares and snickers of his fellow passerby. Was it his fault that the fangirls had stolen his pants, leaving his Barney underwear visible to all? He didn't think so. As he ambled on, he realized he was completely and utterly lost.

"Oh, fish and chips." He sighed. "Author, which way do I go to get to the mattress store?"

_Sigh_… That way.

He pointed down a nearby dark alleyway. "You mean that way?"

Do you want to get beaten to a pulp?

"Actually, I don't like pulp that much. It makes me swell up."

Whatever. Just follow the flashing neon sign.

He glanced up and noticed the huge billboard proclaiming "MATTRESS STORE THIS WAY, OBI-WAN" in giant letters, accompanied with a glowing arrow. Obi-Wan grinned. "It's nice of them to spell my name right." He followed the arrow until he found a bottle of cheese spray. After consuming the bottle in one gulp, he continued on.

At last he reached his destination. Wishing he had some more spray cheese bottles to devour, he did a few front-flips just to test out the old Jedi fighting tricks in case the others needed any help with the Sith. Finding that all of the CGI, ahem, I mean, _Jedi Fighting Tricks _were in order, he proceeded through the automatic double doors of the store.

The first thing he caught sight of was Fred, the stormtrooper. Actually, the first _first _thing he caught sight of was the two-for-one sale on Buzz Lightyear-themed pillows, but if you're really counting that…Anyway, he noticed that Fred was standing next to Barris Offee, who kneeling and looking very, very concerned. They both seemed to be staring at something.

Obi-Wan jogged towards them, about to call out their names, when suddenly he remembered he wasn't wearing any pants. He hurriedly snatched some jeans from a passing stranger (who could have been Tom Cruise) and whipped them on. After securing his clothing, he began again to approach his friends (or, in Fred's case, his acquaintance). Then he realized what they were staring at so intently.

A squat green penguin, carrying a lightsaber and a walking stick, stood before the two. Obi-Wan smacked himself on the forehead. "Oh, for the love of smurfs…"

_Oh no! What's going on? What's with the penguins? What's happened to the Jedi Council? Perhaps a flashback would help. Earlier that day, at the mattress store…_

Wade the Battle Droid winced and groaned.

His entire body ached. Every single muscle, tendon, and ligament of his being hurt as if someone had stretched him like a drum and beat him with a hammer. But then, as he was thinking about of his great pain, he realized something: He could feel the pain. He could also feel the floor beneath him, cold and hard. He took a deep breath, shocked. Then he finally noticed he was breathing.

Actually breathing.

He jumped to his feet. As he did he wobbled slightly and almost fell. He glanced down at the floor and thought about how it looked a lot closer than it had before. He also caught sight of his feet. Two orange, webbed feet protruded from his body.

His mouth hung open. Of course, as he had come to suspect, this was no mouth, but a beak. So he stood, beak open, contemplating what this all meant.

At that moment, he did what anybody in his situation would do. He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Showing an incredible ability for holding the "A" and the "H" of his scream, he yelled for all to hear. And someone obviously did hear, because a familiar voice answered his cry.

"Shut up, you idiot."

Wade waddled in the direction of the voice. "Mace? Is that you?"

"Yes, unfortunately, it is."

Wade squinted at the figure in front of him. It appeared to be a bird-like creature, with black feathers, a smooth bald head, and a very angry disposition. Wade gasped. "Mace? What happened to you?"

"What do you think happened to me? I got turned into a penguin." Mace hobbled over. "You didn't turn out much better."

Wade studied himself. He now had two rounded flippers instead of hands, black plumage with a white chest, and a surprisingly rigid posture. He shrugged. "Ah well. It could be worse. I could have been turned into a bug or something."

"This stinks." Adi waddled up. At least, Wade guessed it was Adi. It was a normal penguin except with that elaborate headdress thingy that George Lucas probably designed with the free time he got from not really caring about how good the script for his movies was. She surveyed the two of them. "So, we all got turned into penguins?"

"What? You guys got to be penguins? Lucky!"

They all wheeled around. (Not an easy task with their webbed feet.) Facing them was an ostrich with strange red, blue, and white streaks on her. Wade furrowed his brow. "Shaak Ti? You're an ostrich?"

"No, I'm an armadillo."

"Really? Because you look like an—"

"That was _sarcasm_." Shaak Ti sighed. "I guess we're all birds now. How did this happen?"

Mace adopted his cool-dude attitude and took it upon himself to explain the whole thing to everyone else. "Apparently that strange whirling pool of purple swirls caused some type of dimensional rift that zapped us, transforming us all into penguins."

Shaak Ti furrowed her ostrichy brow. "But what about me?"

"Well, I think the rift had a different effect on different species. Thus, you became an ostrich. I wonder what happened to Yoda."

Adi gestured toward the wall. "He's over there, moping about something or other. Maybe he has really bad headache and heartburn again. Oh, yeah, he turned into a penguin too."

Shaak Ti sighed. "I guess I'm just an anomaly."

Wade gasped. "I didn't know you were nuclear powered!"

Mace slapped Wade with his flippers. "You are an idiot! Stop talking!"

"Yes, sir, Mace sir!"

Mace took a deep breath to calm himself. "Okay. Let's think. The good news is the Sith aren't here to take advantage of us. The bad news is that we're penguins. Our only hope is that Obi-Wan somehow manages to get back here and finds a way to change us back. Otherwise, we're toast."

Wade rubbed his belly. "I love toast."

Mace proceeded to slap him again. "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO BE QUIET!"

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

Adi shook her head in sadness. "When will this ever end?"

_When will this ever end? Will Fred, Barris Offee, and Obi-Wan be able to change the Jedi (and Wade) back? Will the Sith strike before they have the chance? And where's Anakin? To find the answers to these questions and more, stay tuned. _


	10. The Evil Forces Prepare for Battle

**I'm so sick of writing these introductions, so let's just go straight to the reviewer responses:**

**Jedi Goat: Penguins, and an ostrich! Thank you for the review. Man, it felt good to finally advance the plot after stalling for so long. The whole penguins thing was pretty much my idea from the beginning. Of course, I still have plenty of random thought-of-on-the-spot moments, too. Enjoy!**

**thepenguinsquad: I was hoping you would like the penguins. I mean, come on, penguins. Who doesn't like penguins? They're AWESOME!**

**Princess of Ithilien: I was hoping that at least one person would read the line about the headdress thingy and get it. I was afraid it came off as a sort of "in" joke. Still, you liked it. That's a plus. And, as always, thanks for the review.**

**And, without any further ados, ah-choos, or Pikachus, let's go to the tenth chapter of... (insert drumroll) JEDI NITES 2!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Britney Spears, crossword puzzles, ninja bunnies, or Bugs Bunny. _

Darth Sidious stretched his arms out in front of him. "The Dark Side is growing… I can feel its power."

He turned to his sidekicks. "Can you not sense the shift about to come?"

Qui-Gon sat in a giant recliner with his eyes closed, ignoring Palpatine. Jar Jar was chasing after an evil guinea pig that had stolen his ice cream cone. Jango, meanwhile, had a pen in one handless arm and a newspaper in the other. He scratched his empty neck hole. "Hmmm… What's four-letter word for pain?" He snapped his nonexistent fingers. "Of course! Bomb!"

Palpatine shook his head. "I have too much money to have such useless idiots as these. Jango, Qui-Gon! Get your armies ready!"

Jango pumped his chopped-off fist. "Yes! That's a seven-letter word for Brittney Spears! Useless!"

Qui-Gon peeked at them from his seat in the massive chair. "Did you say something?"

"Yes. Go get your army of ninja bunnies and attack the mattress store. They are ready, are they not?"

Qui-Gon sighed. "Come on, I'll show you." He reluctantly got out of his chair and made his way down a long, windowed hallway that had appeared out of nowhere. Intrigued, Darth Sidious followed him.

Qui-Gon led him through the corridor. Below them thousands of bunny rabbits clad in black ninja garb and walking on their hind legs marched in a single line. Sidious puzzled over this. "Why are they all walking in one line?"

"Because, bunny rabbits always march single file to hide their numbers. Yes, Obi-Wan did get that line from me." Qui-Gon lazily crossed over to the window and peered down at the rabbits. Sidious followed. Qui-Gon turned to the Sith Lord. "I have ten thousand bunnies at my disposal with millions more on the way. I guess that's a good thing about having an army of rabbits: They breed fast. Though we originally did clone one bunny and are continually cloning more as well."

Sidious surveyed the seemingly endless trail of rabbits. "Who did you clone them all from?"

"A bunny bounty hunter by the name of Menga Mett. The only thing Menga requested, aside from her considerable pay, was a single, unaltered bunny."

Sidious furrowed his brow. "Unaltered?"

"Yes. We can make bunnies faster, stronger, cooler. But Menga only wanted a normal clone, one she could train herself to be her equal in skill."

Sidious nodded. "I would very much like to meet this Menga."

"I would be honored to arrange a meeting."

"Really?"

Qui-Gon glared at him. "No. She's not talking to anyone anymore. Something about how Bugs Bunny stole her best carrot."

"Oh, whatever." Palpatine rubbed his hands together. "When can they be ready?"

"Um…Now."

He grinned in an evil, evil way. "Excellent. All is falling into place. We strike…later!"

_Oh no! What will happen? Will the Sith attack? Will the Jedi-turned-penguins be able to defend themselves? And who is this Menga Mett? Is she really a part of the story or just something the author wrote so he could expand the fic an extra fifteen chapters? Find out next time on JEDI NITES 2!_


	11. With Every Plan Comes a Flaw

**Hi, everybody. This is chapter 11. And... well... I don't really have much else to say... except... seven!**

**Sorry, not my joke. Anyway, here are the reviewer responses.**

**G-Anakin13: Thank you for the review. One word! Yes! Well, it's better than leaving it blank. (And it was "cool", which is a good word, too, it could have been something worse... Like "you stink"... or "die"... or "smurf"...)**

**thepenguinsquad: You can hug chapters? Your penguin powers transcend all... Yes, Britney Spears is dumb. Though I think she really shaved her head because she was trying to start a hip new thing, but then realized that Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman beat her to it. I bet she's still shrieking in anger. Pitiful. Very, very pitiful. **

**Jedi Goat: Great review! Thanks a bundle for the review. Though, I'm curious: What does your profile name mean?**

**Princess of Ithilien: No, it's not that no one else got the joke, it's just that no one else reviewed about it. I thought it was hilarious. And maybe not that far from the truth. Perhaps if George had looked up from designing the headdress he would've realized, "Hey! If I cut out Jar Jar Binks, the movie will be ten times better!"**

**killallhumans: Though this is a review of chapter nine, I thought I would post a response anyway. No, I am not gay. I'm just so sick of the people at places like G4 for trying to attract young adult male viewers with scantily clad women! It's dumb! Plus, it's not right. And it's unbiblical. And yes, I was raised as a conservative. Stupid conservative raising... Now I can't bash Bush! All I can do is support the War in Irag! (Which I really do support, by the way.) Final thing: Is it really "Barriss" with two "s"'s? Hmmmm... Have I been wrong this entire time?**

**Alright, here's the new chapter. I must say, I'm having a little trouble with this fic's plot. I finished writing chapter 12 and then started writing chapter 13, but then I realized that I hated the story I had come up with so I deleted everything I had written. Wasn't that much, but still. Anyway, I'm rewriting it, and hopefully it will be better. But, regardless of that, here is Chapter 11.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own caffeine-deprived chickens, stone tiled floors, The Cheese Dog, chocolate mattresses, Hello Kitty armor, or the metric system. _

Obi-Wan sighed. He had known it would come to this. The author would lose his mind and then produce a completely awful stor…Wait a minute! What do you mean, "completely awful story"?

The Jedi toed the ground. "Um… Nothing."

Oh. Okay. Anyhow, the situation had gone from bad to worse. Oh, no, from good to bad. Or good to worst. Whatever.

Obi-Wan surveyed the four penguins and single ostrich standing in the mattress store. He immediately regretted to ever signing a contract to do the Jedi Nites stories with the author. After twenty-six chapters, Mister Frodo had finally lost his mind.

A pack of caffeine-deprived chickens grabbed Obi-Wan and carried him off into the horizon. Barris Offee, who had been watching the Jedi the entire time and pondering why he was wearing jeans and not his Jedi pants, sighed and focused her attention back on the penguins. There would time to worry about Obi-Wan later.

Yoda paced on the hard floor, his walking stick making a dull echo as it struck the stone tile. Why a mattress store would have stone tile, I have no idea. He turned his green bird head to face Barris. "Turned into birds, we have been. The Cheese Dog, our only hope is."

Mace scoffed. "What could some high saturated fat food item do for us?"

Fred stepped forward. "A lot, Jedi penguin person whose name eludes me. The Cheese Dog is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It could save you from an eternity as penguins. And an ostrich," he added, throwing a side glance at Shaak Ti.

Barris nodded. "Well the author has to find some way to integrate The Cheese Dog back into this story. It makes perfect sense."

"It does?"

She furrowed her brow. "Fred, you just said it was super powerful."

He chuckled nervously. "Oh, yeah, about that." Still chuckling, he rubbed the back of his head. Or helmet. Whatever. "I actually just made that up. Nobody really knows what The Cheese Dog actually does. We're still trying to figure it out."

Adi stared at him, wings on her hips. "Who is this 'we'?"

"Oh, me. And this nerd I met in the seventh grade. Said something about how The Cheese Dog could do something involving melted tomatoes… and celery… and also something about a chocolate mattress…"

Clyde jumped up. "Chocolate!"

"Shut up, Clyde. The author doesn't use you anymore. Your life is pointless."

"Enough!" Barris held up her hands. "I've figured it out. I will go get The Cheese Dog and bring it back. Fred, I think it's only fair that you come with me, since you're responsible for this."

Fred looked up from a Bionicle set he had been building. "Huh? Say what?"

"I'll take that as a yes. Okay, then I need to find this Cheese Dog. Where should I look?"

A sudden blast tore through the air. Barris wheeled around. "What was that?!"

Fred's mouth dropped open in horror. "Oh no. They're attacking."

"Who's attacking?"

His voice shook as he answered in a coarse whisper. "The Sith."

_Oh no! What will happen? Will the Jedi be able to defend themselves? Who will win the great battle between light and dark? Find out next time on—_

Darth Sidious held up his hand. "We wait for no one, author. We attack now!"

What? No, wait, you're supposed to attack next chapter. You know, so the chapters aren't all 2000 words long. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to have a fan ba—

"I don't care about your so-called 'fan base.'" Sidious clenched his fist. "We strike now and now only!"

_Sigh… _Whatever. Just get on with it.

"Excellent." Palpatine cackled evilly. "I will atta—"

A lightning bolt struck him and killed him. No, not really. It just missed by three inches. But the Star Wars universe uses the metric system, so everything spontaneously combusted. Well, only Sidious spontaneously combusted. Anyway…

Qui-Gon Jinn stared, open-mouthed, at the spot in which Darth Sidious had been standing only seconds before. Shocked by the sudden spontaneous combustion of his leader, he turned back to his long line of ninja bunnies. "Steady, bunnies, steady."

A single rabbit strode up to Qui-Gon. Judging by the cool helmet, dual blasters, jetpack, and Hello Kitty armor, this animal was obviously a female bunny rip-off of Jango Fett. Qui-Gon sighed. "Hi, Menga."

The bunny glared at him. "You promised my rabbits good sport. Now our leader has been spontaneously combusted and all we have left is this dummy of him."

A trio of bunnies, tugging a life-size rubber Emperor Palpatine. Qui-Gon gasped in horror. "Oh no! This is a Return of the Jedi Emperor Palpatine! There's no continuation!"

"It's okay; George Lucas will come back in about twenty years and 'fix' it." Menga tugged on one of her ears. "Now what are our orders?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I don't know."

"Well, you're as useless as Britney Spears."

"Doesn't Britney have two t's?"

"Whatever." Menga pointed at the mattress store. "All right, troopers; search and destroy!"

Clyde peered out the window. "Hey, I see bunnies. I wonder if they're chocolate. I love chocolate bunnies."

The others didn't seem to care. They just continued chatting about some Cheese Dog and how they had to fight the Sith. "Screw the Sith," Clyde muttered. "I want some chocolate."

He had left all his chocolate back at the Jedi Temple. Already he was beginning to feel the effects of withdrawal. He had fallen unconscious earlier thanks to that stupid Fred forgetting to hand him his Super Choco bars. Stupid Fred. Clyde didn't even know why he ever worked with the idiot.

Now, with the fate of the entire galaxy on the line, Clyde waited. He knew his day would come. He would have his chocolate and eat it, too. Soon. Really soon. Really, really soon. Really, really, really, really, really, really…

Clyde ran out of "really"s and collapsed. Poor Clyde.

_And so another chapter ends. Who will win the battle for the galaxy? Will The Cheese Dog ever be found? And where the heck is Anakin? All questions that will be answered if you tune in next time to _Jedi Nites 2


	12. Negotiations

**Wow. Just... wow. Four months with no Jedi Nites 2. How has any one survived? ... Just kidding. It's been four months since I've posted a new chapter... that's a third of a year. I really have to apologize for taking so long to post this. Considering I've had it written down for a while and just haven't gotten to posting it, I'm sorry for taking so long. I don't know how many people will still read this, but for those of you who are, I'm really sorry! I promise the next chapter will not take four months to post. I actually already have it written...**

**I have a confession to make. It's getting harder and harder to write Jedi Nites. I think it's because I have a much more focused story this time with an actual plot, opposed to last time, where I was simply making things up. I promise, though, that in the next few chapters the plot will get moving, and soon (hopefully) this story will come to an end. I doubt many people will hang in for the entire ride, but hey, to those that do, you have my thanks. **

**And now, Reviewer Responses! How long I have wanted to write them... Oh, how long...**

**thepenguinsquad: Penguins and bunnies are awesome and I love using them. As for a Jedi Nites 3... I don't know. I want to do it. I'd like to return it more to the style of the first one and not have as much of a plot... Maybe make it shorter. Still, this comes first, so thank you for your review!**

**Jedi Goat: Thanks for the review! Yes, your name does make sense. My name's simple, too: I love Misters, and I love Frodos, so I combined the two... No, that's not right... Or is it:)**

**Princess of Ithilien: Ha ha ha, that's a good Lucas joke. I wanted to say the romantic scenes, but Adi Gallia appears in Episode I first (I think), and the romantic scenes came in Episode II. Wow, that sounded like a nerd. And you feel bad about not updating. That's so ironic it hurts. Seriously. It hurts.**

**Now, on to Chapter 12!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own giant pots of cheese, anvil-juggling clones, or white flags. I also do not own Star Wars. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this fan fic._

Fred glanced out the window. "This looks bad. Now they have a clone army and a long row of ninja bunnies. Our chances of succeeding just went kaput."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I know."

Fred furrowed his brow. "Obi-Wan, what are you doing here? I thought you were carried off by that pack of caffeine-deprived chickens."

"Well, I was, but they said they would let me stay as long as I added more Starbucks jokes to the story. Stupid author; I guess he just forgot his hatred of coffee."

Mace the penguin waddled up. "What did you say about stupid and coffee?"

"Nothing, Mace. I just…" Obi-Wan's voice trailed off. He put his hand on his chin. "Hmmmm… I wonder… Maybe… If I'm really good…"

"Which you're not."

"Shut up, Mace!" Obi-Wan shoved the penguin away. "I'm thinking…"

"Don't talk to me that way." Mace drew his lightsaber, which was now about half his size. "Don't make me say it."

"Say what?"

Mace balled his tips of his wings into fists. "This party's over."

Obi-Wan snapped his fingers. "That's it! I figured it out!"

"What? That you're an idiot?"

"No! I figured out that I hate broccoli!"

Fred sighed. "Author trademark…"

"Huh?"

"Never mind." He turned to Barris Offee. "Barris, we have a problem."

She stared at him. "What kind of statement is that? Of course we have a problem."

Clyde poked his head up. "Yeah, my instant choco machine just stopped working. Anybody got some screws, a wrench, and fifty pounds of Hershey's bars?"

"We're about to die and all you can think about is chocolate. Clyde, you're hopeless."

"Well, that's what all the psychiatrists said, but that didn't stop me at all. Wait, I think I put a monkey wrench in my pocket…"

Fred looked back out the window. "Okay guys, I have a plan."

"Run?"

"No, Clyde. Even better." He clenched his fist. "I'm going to negotiate with them."

Obi-Wan's mouth dropped open. "Negotiation? But we've lost all communication! And what about that chancellor's ambassadors?"

"Dude, stop quoting Star Wars! It's not like this is a Star Wars fic!" Fred shoved Obi-Wan into a giant pot of cheese someone had left nearby. "Now I'm going to negotiate. Stay here."

Barris stomped her foot. "This isn't fair! Why do I only get like three lines?! I'm so much smarter and cooler than all of these idiots! And Shaak Ti and Adi didn't get any! Curse you discriminating author!"

_I'm not discriminating, Barris! I'm enlightened! ... Okay, I'm not. Whatever. Let's go outside!_

Jango Fett saluted. "Master Qui-Gon. My clones and I are ready to fight."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "You have no head and no hands. How can I use you?"

"I still have my flame thrower."

"And?"

"I'm a pyromaniac."

"Okay, you're good." Qui-Gon turned to Clone Number 2019874007L-28yw38u. "What about you, clone? What special talents do you have?"

The soldier snapped to attention. "I can juggle cheese-coated anvils, sir!"

"Hm. I like a man with a nature for the insane. You're good." He whipped out a clipboard. "Now, Clone Number 1209877743K-12p087u…"

Jango held up an imaginary hand. "Hold up. You're going to inspect every single clone? That'll take at least a week!"

"It's what's best for the cause, Mr. Fett."

If the bounty hunter still had his face, he would have snarled. "Listen, Man-Lady, I've got better things to do than take orders from—"

"Sir! Sir!"

They both glanced up to see a ninja bunny nearby, hopping up and down. "Master Qui-Gon, sir, there's someone here to see you! He says he wants to negotiate."

Qui-Gon furrowed his brow. "Why wasn't he shot down? I ordered all enemies fired at on sight!"

"Well, sir, we would have, but he was carrying a white flag."

"Are you sure it was white? Not off-white? Or perhaps a very pale yellow?"

"No, sir. It was white."

Qui-Gon frowned. "As I feared. They want to negotiate. I hate negotiations. Alright, where's the guy who wants to negotiate with us?"

"He's right next to you, sir."

Qui-Gon whirled around. "Where?! I don't see him!"

"Uh… Other way, sir."

Qui-Gon turned back. Sure enough, standing before him was a six-foot-tall, flag-carrying stormtrooper. The Jedi put a hand to his chin. "That's strange… How can there be a stormtrooper if this is set during Episode III?"

A man in a black suit appeared. "Mister Frodo is exempt from the Star Wars timeline instigated by George Lucas." He handed Qui-Gon a large stack of paper. "You can read more about it here."

The man disappeared. Qui-Gon grinned evilly. "Ha ha ha… Paper. Now I have paper!"

The stormtrooper cocked his head to the side. "What are you going to do with paper?"

Qui-Gon's smile grew larger and eviler (which is, actually, a word.) "What else do people do with paper? I will make paper airplanes and then throw them into Yoda's back when he isn't looking! Then I'll blame it on Mace!"

The trooper sighed. "What a waste. Everybody knows that you can make the greatest _filet de papri _with a stack of paper."

"Well, yes, I'm going to eat some of it. Who doesn't eat paper?"

The stormtrooper nodded. "You know, for an evil Jedi-turned-Sith, you're not that bad."  
In his heart, Qui-Gon agreed. He and this trooper both loved paper. Perhaps this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. But, alas, he was evil, and the stormtrooper was good. "So, why have you come, trooper?"

"To negotiate, Master Sith." Fred motioned at his white flag. "I brought this here white flag to show that I mean no harm."

Qui-Gon inspected the flag, flapping in the breeze. (Even though there was none.) His mouth dropped open. "Fiend! This flag is not white! It is… an incredibly pale green!"

Fred gasped. "How did you find out?!"

"Obviously you never realized that Jedi have super-vision!"

"Because they don't."

"Oh. Right. Well, I can tell." Qui-Gon pointed at the stormtrooper. "Soldiers, attack!"

A group of about one hundred thousand clones and bunnies aimed at the stormtrooper. Qui-Gon sneered. "Bye-bye, trooper. OPEN FIRE!"

_Oh no! What will happen to Fred? Will he die? But if he goes, who will negotiate the peace? Is the end of the Jedi nigh? Or will an unexpected hero come to save the day? Find out in the next super-loaded chapter, as the duel of the fate of the universe (or at least that stack of paper) takes place in the pivotal point in the Jedi Nites saga! Beware the number 13…_

_Note: The author is not bound by the Star Wars timeline, and is therefore free to introduce any character at any time, whether they are living or dead, prequel or original, or missing any body appendages. Thank you. _


	13. A Battle! Or Maybe Not

**Yes! It's here! Chapter 13 is here! And it didn't take me four months to update it this time!**

**insert groans**

**Okay, let's cut to the chase: This chapter is long. Really long. Without this introduction part, it's almost 2900 words, and with the intro, it's over 3000. I'm sorry for the incredible length, but hopefully this chapter will help propel the story on. As a side note, this chapter marks the end of the second act of the story (though I don't know if anyone cares about the acts in the first place), and I should be moving the story somewhat quicker through the third and final act. I hope. Also, the donut part in the beginning was something I added in during my desperation to make the story more random and, hopefully, more funny. I don't know if it worked, but ah well. Onward to the Reader Reviews!**

**thepenguinsquad: I don't know if Clyde would marry you or not... He's obsessed with chocolate. He's more likely to marry a Hershey's bar than an actual person, but still, it could happen. Thank you for the review!  
**

**Princess of Ithilien: Thanks tons for the long review. Almost as long as this chapter. (Okay, it's not.) I wish I could make this story more pointless... I'm going to try and just throw random things into the next few chapters and see what happens. I don't own giant pots of cheese because then I would have to throw out my giant pots of ketchup. Hopefully you understand. Also, the reason that Clyde isn't morbidly obese is somewhat addressed in this chapter, though another reason for his being unrealistically healthy is because it makes it easier to do crazy stuff with him. Maybe he eats so much chocolate that his body has built up an immunity to it? I don't know. **

**And, TO THE ACTUAL CHAPTER!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own donuts, sick bays, your mom jokes, or pointless plot devices._**  
**

Obi-Wan stared out the window. "Um… I think Fred needs help, guys."

Barris slapped him. "I'm a girl, you idiot!"

He rubbed the red spot on his cheek. "Ow… That hurt. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS DONUTS!"

Donuts rained down from the sky. They somehow managed to defy the laws of physics and passed through the mattress store's ceiling, showering the Jedi with sugary goodness. Painful sugary goodness.

The Jedi penguins took cover underneath a nearby picnic table. Barris noticed that Wade was left out by himself right under a huge patch of jelly-filled donuts. She gasped. "Wade! Watch out!"

Wade looked up at the donuts about to hit him. "Raining donuts. I always knew that would be what got me."

"Noooooo! Wade!" Obi-Wan dropped face-first to the floor. "I WILL SAVE YOU!" He slid on his stomach across the smooth tiled surface, racing towards the doomed penguin. With only seconds to spare he managed to grab Wade and pull him away, saving yet another life from sugary death.

Clyde scoured the rain the of donuts. "Where are the chocolate-covered ones? WHERE ARE THEY?!" He whipped out a net. "I SHALL CATCH THEM! GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!"

Obi-Wan, meanwhile, had continued to slide across the floor. He realized that he was heading straight for the wall. "No! The wall!" With all of his might he chucked Wade in Barris' direction. "Barris! Catch!"

Barris received the penguin in her arms just as Obi-Wan went _splat! _against the wall. She hurried over to the picnic table and hid Wade under it. "This is NOT good. We need to help Fred! This is not helping!"

Mace the penguin nodded. "I agree. There must be some way we can help him."

Yoda snorted. "A plan of action, you have?"

Mace turned to look at him. "Yes, Master Yoda, I do have a plan. We send Obi-Wan and Clyde, our two more expendable group members, towards the door. If they make it past the donuts, then it will be safe for us."

"A foolish plan, that is."

Mace put his flippers on his hips. "Do you have a better one?"

"Hmph. Have a better one? Have an infinitely better plan, I do!"

"Well, I'm _sorry_, Master Yoda. I just thought that if we were going to pick someone to devise our plan, we would choose the Jedi who was actually able to defeat Palpatine in combat."

"Oh?" Yoda poked Mace with his flipper. "Saying you are better than me, are you, hm? At least closer to killing him I was!"

"I would have killed him if some idiotic pretty boy hadn't gotten in my way."

"Your hesitation it was that caused your loss, Mace, not the whiny pretty boy."

"You fell like fifty feet and then just gave up!"

"BAH! A THOUSAND TIMES WISER THAN YOU, I AM!"

"YOUR MOM'S A THOUSAND TIMES WISER!"

Barris grabbed the two penguins and pushed them apart. "Master Windu, Master Yoda, you are both acting like complete idiots! You need to calm down!"

Obi-Wan joined them. "Yeah, the donuts stopped raining."

Everyone looked around to see that Obi-Wan was indeed correct. The donuts had ceased raining down from the heavens. Barris sighed in relief. "Thank God that's over. What was with the raining donuts anyway?"

"The author was trying to make this chapter even longer."

"Longer? It was over 2000 words before he added the donuts!"

Yoda shrugged. "Hm. Make it funnier, he did."

Mace rolled his eyes. "You are such an author sympathizer."

"An author sympathizer, your mom is."

"TAKE THAT BACK!"

Clyde walked up to them. His net was filled with donuts. "My net is filled with donuts, guys! Who wants some?"

"None of us!"

He bowed his head. "You could have been nicer..."

"Your mom's nicer."

"MACE, SHUT UP!"

Clyde looked from one Jedi to the other. "So, what's going on?"

"Fred is about to die and we don't know how to save him," everyone said at once.

"WHAT?!" Clyde ran to the door. "I'm coming, Fred! I'll save you!"

"Clyde! What are you doing?!"

He stopped. "I don't know." His brow furrowed. "I think I was… I was about… I was about to, uh, do something… Oh yeah. I'm gonna eat chocolate!"

Barris hurried to the window and peered out. "Wait... They haven't fired yet. Why?"

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Hmmmmm... Maybe they're still negotiating?"

"Maybe..."

"Or maybe they want to savor his death. Death should not be rushed, but savored like a good 'your mom' joke."

"That's stu--"

"But if that's true, he was right about one thing. The negotiations were—"

Barris grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "If you finish that line, you're going to pay.

Mace popped up between them. "Apparently some freak accident has happened to make them not fire. But if Fred were to realistically have a chance, some big event would have to happen in which every single clone and bunny died and/or ceased firing."

Obi-Wan scratched his head. "'And/or'?"

"Now, as it's obviously apparent that the focus on the plot has caused the author to cease writing humorous material, the story shouldn't ramble on for too long. Obviously something will happen quickly, and Fred will either live or die."

Obi-Wan sniffed back the tears. "That was such a moving speech, Mace."

"Zip it, idiot."

"What an emotional finale!"

Mace turned to Barris. "I can see why you never liked him."

The female Jedi shook her head. "It's not that I don't like him. It's just… Yeah, I really don't like him. Odd. I thought I was supposed to be the caring character.

Clyde looked up from his snack of chocolate donuts. "Well, you originally were. But then the author wrote Adi and Shaak Ti out of the story, so you took their place as the nagging, angry, smart female sidekick."

Mace nodded. "Clyde is right. The only way we can fix this is to rescue Anakin. That way, we can get The Cheese Dog, which will turn us all back."

"Really? It will? Why?"

"Plot device."

Obi-Wan only listened half-heartedly. He had lost interest and instead was in the process of gulping down another 100 oz. latte. "Dumb author… Writing Starbucks out of the story…" He glanced out the window. "Well, I guess Fred is going to…" Something outside caught his eye. He stared at the shape. "Wait, is that… No… It can't be…"

He spun around to face the others. "GUYS! IT'S INCREDIBLE! I FOUND HIM!"

Mace furrowed his brow. "Found who?"

Obi-Wan pointed outside. "HIM! I FOUND HIM!"

Everybody gasped. Wade fainted. Mace covered his eyes. Yoda hid behind a mattress. The female characters did nothing, as there were no more actions for the author to describe. But they were all shocked.

Barris groaned. "Why did it have to be him?"

_Who is it? We must find out! To outside the mattress store!_

The bunnies and clones stared in open-mouthed shock. Qui-Gon saw the approaching being, and it was then he realized that this could be the end of all good and evil.

Fred scratched his helmet. "Why's everybody so upset?"

Qui-Gon gulped. "Because… it's _him_."

Fred nodded. "Oh, right. Him." He turned to the newcomer. "So, what's your name?"

The newcomer's face lit up in a huge smile. "Meesa is called Jar Jar Binks."

"NOOOOOOO!" Qui-Gon fell to his knees. "The evil! THE EVIL!"

Fred rolled his eyes. "What a baby. It's not like he's that bad." The stormtrooper turned to Jar Jar. "So, Mr. Binks, what are you here for?"

The Gungan's smile grew wider. Just when we thought he couldn't look any more deformed. "Well, meesa was goin' with de big bombad Chancellor, but then heesa said hees was goin' to the mattresso storo, so meesa decided to maybe do a bit of okey-dey and fallow heesa. But then heesa go-es BOOM! And now meesa have no leader. Meesa now have no one to tell meesa when to do de supa dupa plan."

"Supa dupa plan?" Fred looked at Qui-Gon. "This guy was working for Palpatine?"

The former Jedi had closed his eyes and covered his ears with his hands. "If I stay quiet, he'll go away… If I stay quiet, he'll go away…"

"I'll take that as a yes." Fred shrugged. "I guess now that Jar Jar has incapacitated the clone and bunny armies, we have nothing to worry about. I should get the others so we can find Anakin."

"No, you're not!"

He spun around. Standing in front of him, wielding two large blasters, was a two-foot-tall rabbit, decked out in pink Hello Kitty armor. He squinted. "Huh? Why is the bunny wearing armor?

"I may be the last soldier left who will fight you, but I will! I will until I die!"

Jar Jar furrowed his brow. "But where ees de Bountio Huntero, hissa Jango Fett?"

The bunny sighed. "Well, Clone number 28708979070-s/3e8888 got a little trigger happy… And, well, Jango is currently mending in the sick bay. How the heck this happened, especially considering he was in the last chapter, I have no idea. Plot device, probably."

Fred, who had ignored her last two sentences, gasped. "We have a _sick_ bay? Shouldn't we give it some medicine?"

The bunny bounty hunter snarled. "That was a dumb joke! Prepare to die, insolent stormtrooper!"

Fred whipped out his blaster. "Bring it, Bugs!"

The two began firing at each other. However, Fred had awful aim, and missed a lot. But for unknown reasons, he had somehow acquired Matrix-like skills, and could now dodge any bullet or laser. With his super cool abilities he was somehow able to evade all of the bunny's fire. Finally the two ran out of ammo, and just stood there, glaring at each other.

Suddenly Fred heard cheering.

"Go, Fred, go! Come on, let's go, Fred!"

Fred glanced over at the mattress store. The Jedi had gathered outside, and were now cheering him on. At first this warmed his heart. But then he came to a revelation. "Wait a minute. Why aren't you guys helping me?! You're Jedi, for Pete's sake!"

"We know, but this is so much more entertaining."

"For Pete's sake…" Fred turned to the rabbit. "I don't want to fight you, bunny."

"But we will." The bunny whipped out two new pistols. "I, Mangia Mett, will not stand for the defeat of my army."

"They weren't defeated, they just were in shock." Fred motioned to the mass of rabbits behind Mangia. "They're ready to fight again, and they're right behind you. So now, they're going to shoot me… And I'll die…" He sighed. "That kind of puts a damper on things. Now there will never be another Bill and Fred sequel."

Mangia shrugged. "I guess you're right. Ah well. Time to die, stormy."

All the bunnies leveled their blasters at the helpless stormtrooper. On the sidelines, the lazy Jedi watched, wondering how their friend would ever survive.

Yoda sniffed. "Live a good life, he did."

Mace nodded in agreement. "That I can nod in agreement with."

"Nod in agreement your mom can."

"SHUT UP, YODA!"

But Obi-Wan knew they had to do something. Normally one of the female Jedi would be the ones to react and save the day. But Obi-Wan had recently been watching a Loony Tunes marathon, and he had learned the secret to defeating large armies of ninja bunnies.

"I know a way." The Jedi stood up. "I know a way!"

Quickly he pulled a orange-colored donut from his pocket. "Bunnies love carrots, and this carrot-flavored donut should do the trick!" He turned to face the bunny army. "Hey bunnies! Fetch!" With a tremendous hurl, he chunked the donut as far as he possibly could. All his strength went into the throw. In the Herculean effort he fell to the ground, collapsed from exhaustion.

All of this caused the donut to travel three feet in the air before falling to the ground.

But Barris had realized what the Jedi was trying to do. She grabbed Wade the Battle Droid-turned-penguin's arm and dragged him to the donut. "Quick, Wade, throw it as far as you can!"

Wade picked the vegetable-flavored sweet up from the ground. "Okay, but I have to warn you. Without my mechanical strength, I might only be able to throw this thing twenty miles."

"Good! Throw it!"

"Fine." Wade cocked his flipper back, and with a gentle move of his wrist, tossed the carrot a good ten miles away. The rabbits caught sight of the carrot and raced after it. Or hopped after it. Whatever.

Mangia groaned. "Every time!" She hurried after her soldiers, but not before delivering one last warning to the Jedi. "This isn't the last time we meet, Jedi! Not the last time! You can count on it!"

The heroes watched as Mangia and the rabbits faded over the horizon. Obi-Wan looked at the others. "What do we do now? What about the clones?"

"Well, when the author used 'miles' instead of a metric unit, it disrupted the Star Wars universe, destroying about half the clones in the process." Barris shook her head. "The author should really learn how to convert miles to kilometers.

"What about the other half of the clones?

Barris pointed behind them. The group turned around to see the clones massed around Clyde, who seemed to be enjoying himself immensely.

One of the soldiers approached him. "O, Lord of Dieting, how are you able to eat so much chocolate and remain thin? Teach us your secrets, please."

Clyde showed them a large bag of chocolate. "You see, my secret is that I eat so much chocolate that I have tons of energy to spare. So I run around, getting involved in crazy misadventures, which causes me lose a lot of weight."

The clones applauded and cheered. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Rookies."

Barris held up a hand. "I'm going to make the important speech, Obi-Wan. Please don't interrupt me." She surveyed the ragtag group of four penguins, a Jedi, and a stormtrooper. "We're all in trouble. But if we can find Anakin and get The Cheese Dog, we can save the world. We just need to find Anakin."

"Ha ha, you fools! I will find him first!"

They all spun around. Qui-Gon, lightsaber in hand, had somehow managed to grab a speeder bike. He was now boarding the vehicle, laughing at the Jedi.

"I'll get to Anakin first, and then use The Cheese Dog to rull the world! Then what will you say, puny Jedi?"

Not waiting for an answer to his question, Qui-Gon sped away, leaving several angry Jedi behind. Obi-Wan clenched his fist. "That girly man will not defeat me. We must find Anakin!"

Barris sighed. "But we don't even know where he is."

"Neither does Qui-Gon."

All the Jedi murmured in agreement. Fred raised his hand. "I have something to add, if there's time."

The entire group had different replies to his request.

"We're running out of time." (Mace.)

"I guess we have time." (Barris.)

"There's time, even if I can't see it." (Wade.)

"Have time, we do, for out of money, I am." (Yoda.

"I wish I had time to make sense of this." (Adi.)

"Meesa have muy muy thanktu and de time is bombad!" (I'll give you one guess who said this. And no, I don't know what the heck that line means.)

"Time… line? Time is not a line. It is a circle. That is why clocks are round." (Obi-Wan.)

They all stared at Obi-Wan. He shrugged. "Red vs. Blue. The author can't think up any original jokes."

Barris shook her head. "This is pointless. What do you want to say, Fred?"

"Well, I was talking to Jar Jar. And, apparently, I've learned what his 'supa dupa' plan is."

"What?"

"Well, it involves the location of a certain Jedi." Fred smiled, though nobody else saw it because he was wearing his helmet. "And how to get there."

"Wait a second..." Obi-Wan glanced around. "Where's Shaak Ti?"

"Huh?"

Sure enough, the Jedi-turned-ostrich had disappeared. Mace shook his head. "This shouldn't have happened. She was with us the entire time."

Barris held up a hand. "No... I haven't seen her since before the donuts started raining."

They all exchanged glances. "You think there might be a connection between the donuts and Shaak Ti?" Obi-Wan asked, a puzzled expression on his face.

"I don't know." Barris clenched her fist. "But whatever we do, we'll find out."

_So Jar Jar knows where to find Anakin? Where is he? Will Qui-Gon get there? Does Qui-Gon know the location? Will any more bad guys come to stop the Jedi? Will the story begin to get funny again? And what happened to Shaak Ti? Find out next chapter, as we move onto the third and final act of _Jedi Nites 2


	14. We Talk about The End la la la

**Hello again, people! I know it's been a while since I've posted a chapter (I lose count of the days), but I'm here now, and that is certain! I want to say two things. First, this is another long chapter. I apologize for the high word counts... Maybe I would get the story done faster if the chapters weren't so long... Ah well. I am starting to move the plot along (thank God). Second, I do not know when the next chapter will be up. I want to post chapter 15 before November, but I don't know if I'll have it written in time, and I don't want to make false promises. During November I will be doing the National Novel Writing Month, so I will most likely not post any chapters during that month. I apologize in advance. I still do want to finish this story, and hopefully if all goes well I will. So, enjoy this chapter, and God bless!**

**The Penguin Squad: Sadly, yes, this is the final act. But, after I finish this (and finish my other unfinished stories that I intend to finish), I can write a Jedi Nites 3. With more pointless comedy! Plot is so overrated, anyway. And I will continue, and hopefully not die.**

**Princess of Ithilien: Another long chapter, er, review. I think I might need to go get a giant pot of cheese... It could end up being useful. Anyway, thank you so much for the review, and please, keep reading! **

**And now, CHAPTER 14! **

_Disclaimer: I do not own Dancing with the Stars, Dance Dance Revolution, or dancing in general. _

Anakin rubbed his head. "Ugh…" He felt someone had taken a sledge hammer and drilled him right on the noggin. "What happened?"

"You got hit on the head."

Anakin spun around. The action caused him to lose his balance and collapse. With a thud he smacked against the hard concrete floor. He groaned. "That hurt."

"I would think it would."

Stars danced around Anakin's vision. He brightened. "I'm watching ABC?"

Uh, no. Different stars.

He sighed. "Oh._Those _stars." He propped himself up on his elbows and waited for his head to clear. "Ow… Where am I?"

"You are… somewhere."

"Wow. You're really helpful."  
"Thank you. It's one of my hidden talents."

The stars finally disappeared. Anakin could now clearly make out the gray, dull walls. He was lying on a similarly-colored concrete floor. A few lights dangled from the high ceiling, providing the room's only illumination. Anakin, still woozy, got to his feet. "So, where am I? Really?"

"You are at my lair."

Recalling his earlier incident, Anakin decided against rapidly spinning around. Instead he merely shuffled his feet and turned in a relatively slow fashion to face the speaker. The said speaker was a man (well, as Anakin could tell) dressed in a black cloak with the hood drawn up. Anakin furrowed his brow. "Who are you?"

"I am… The End."

Anakin stared at the man. "No. Seriously. What's your name?"

"That is my name."  
"Oh, so you're named That."

"No, that is not my name."

"Oh… So what's your name?"

"I just told you it."

"Yeah, That."

"No, my name is not That."

"But you said…"

"I told you my name! It's The End!"

"The end of what?"

"NO!"

"Oh, so No is your name…"

The cloaked man drew a sword. "You want me to use this on you?!"

"No, No. I'd rather you didn't."

"MY NAME IS NOT NO!"

"So it's Yes?"

Without warning, the man attacked. Anakin instinctively reached for his lightsaber but, to his displeasure, it was not there. With the man closing in, Anakin had no choice but to choose the one other option he had.

"MOMMY!" He turned and ran, fleeing from the man. Thankfully, they were in a giant, empty room, so Anakin had plenty of room to dash about.

The cloaked man, however, had other tricks. With a huge grunt he leapt onto Anakin, knocking the Jedi to the floor. Anakin bonked his head against the concrete. Again.

The man hefted Anakin onto his feet. "Loser! You almost made me kill you."

Anakin groaned. "Ow… My head…"

"You're useless!" The man threw him back down. "If it weren't for your uses you would be completely useless!"

The man's remark didn't exactly help the massive headache Anakin had gained from the constant contact with the concrete floor. "Ow… My head…"

"You keep saying that. Now get up! I need to talk to you."

"Can't I just stay on the floor while you talk?"

"No!" The man grabbed the back of Anakin's shirt. With a sharp tug he pulled Anakin up to a standing position. "But I will grant you a bit of rest. Would you like a seat?"

Anakin, still a bit groggy, glanced around. "Uh, there aren't any chairs here…"

"Well, I can take care of that." The man stretched out his hand. Two cushioned seats appeared from nowhere. He gestured at one. "Please, Mr. Skywalker, make yourself at home."

Anakin looked from the chairs to the man. "How did you do that?"

"I'll explain in a moment. Now, please, sit down."

Not knowing what else to do, Anakin moved over to one of the seats and plopped down in it. His head still pounded, but the pain had lessened to a degree were he could see and understand everything clearly. Well, as clear as he normally could. Not very clear at all, come to think of it.

The cloaked man took the other chair. He put his hand in his pocket and began rummaging around. "Let's see… It's here somewhere. Oh, got it." He retracted his hand from the pocket. He was holding Anakin's lightsaber. "I took this off of you when I found you. You can have it back, if you want."

The man held out the weapon. Anakin took it. He immediately tried to turn it on and use it to chop the man's head off, but, alas, the saber wouldn't activate. The man shook his head. "I deactivated its power core."

"It doesn't have a power core."

"Whatever. I killed it. You can't use it until I turn it back on." The man leaned back in his chair. "As you can see, I have great power."

"Uh-huh." Anakin had stopped paying attention to the man and was now contemplating whether or not he could still make it in time for the Super Soap Opera Mega Hour.

The man was staring at him. "Don't you want to know who I am?"

"No, not really. I lost interest about ten sentences ago."

"What? How can you lose interest in me?"

"I lose interest in anything that doesn't have caffeine in it."

The man clenched his fist. "I have gone long enough without an explanation."

Anakin remained silent. He had been lost in thought, wondering if Bernice would really marry her evil half-cloned cybernetic cousin. Then a new thought burst into his mind. "Uh, cloaked guy, do you have any lattes?"

"Lattes?"

"Yeah. Like, a Starbucks latte."

"Um… What would you do if I said no?"

Anakin glared at him. "I would answer you, but then they'd have to bump the story's rating up to M."

"Oh… I see. Could you settle for coffee? My skill with lattes isn't that great…"

Anakin shrugged. "I guess."

"Okay… Here goes something…"

A Starbucks coffee popped into Anakin's hand. His mouth fell open. "You. Truly. Are. AWESOME!" With a single motion he flipped the drink's cap off and dumped the entire thing in his mouth. Even though this scolded his tongue and gave his entire mouth three degree burns, it was totally worth it, because the caffeine rush annihilated Anakin's headache and allowed him to focus on the most important thing in the world… sugar.

He looked at the man, who seemed rather disgusted by Anakin's chugging of the drink. "Give me candy!"

"Candy…?"

"YES! CANDY!" Anakin racked his brain for a way to barter the man. "Um… If you give me candy, I'll let you give me your explanation thing."

"Well… okay. What type of candy do you want?"

"ANY CANDY! JUST GIMME!"

The man handed Anakin a Hershey's bar. "Here."

Anakin grabbed the chocolate bar and flipped it into his mouth in one motion. Without chewing he swallowed the entire thing, wrapper and all.

The man watched in equal amounts of disgust and awe. Anakin smacked his lips in satisfaction and grinned. "Okay, that was awesome. Now give your explanation thingy while I sit here not caring."

The man nodded. "All right. My name is The End."

"The end of what?"

He ignored Anakin. "My full name is The End P. Loshman."

Anakin snickered. "Loshman?"

"Yes, Loshman. I don't choose the last name. I didn't choose any of my names." He sighed. "Oh, I wish I had…"

Anakin fiddled with a loose thread of fabric on his Jedi uniform, tuning out every thing The End said. The man, who wasn't really paying attention to Anakin, went on.

"You see, my parents sent me to an orphanage when I was younger. I don't know why. Maybe they just didn't like me."

Anakin closed his eyes and fell asleep. Still, The End went on, even as the Jedi's loud snores filled the room.

"Well, I soon found out that my name, The End, was a subject of ridicule. I wanted to change it, to end the pain. But the name-changing office says they can only change it if I can tell them my full name. And I don't know what my middle name is!"

He slammed his fist down. Anakin jolted awake. "Master, I didn't do it! It was Shaak Ti! I swear!" He looked around. "Oh yeah. I'm with you, loser head."

"Loser head?! Why, I oughta—" The End stopped. "Okay. You see, the reason I captured you is so that I could kill you. That way, the author will be forced to intervene. Then I can ask him my middle name."

Anakin stared at him. "Oooooookay."

The End nodded. "I know those words might scare you—"

"No, not really. I didn't understand anything you said."

"Ahem. I know those words might scare you, but listen. I'm a fair guy. So, if you can defeat me in a grueling and dangerous competition, I will spare your life."

Anakin sat there with his mouth open, drooling. The End rolled his eyes. "I see why the other Jedi hate you so much…"

Anakin's head bowed. "Fear leads to anger anger leads to hate hate leads to snorkeling…" He began to snore again.

The End bent down next to Anakin's ear. "Anakin. I hold a Jedi in my possession."

"I killed them all I'm pouty I'm so evil I use clichés to describe my evil acts bwah ha ha ha Luke I am your father…"

The End rolled his eyes at the Jedi's pointless mumblings. "This is stupid. I wish you would just… blow up. Actually, I can make that happen."

Anakin suddenly woke up. "How can you make that happen? I thought only the author had control over those kinds of things."

The End put an arm around the Jedi. "Anakin, fan fiction writing is the pathway to many abilities, some considered to be… unnatural."

Anakin looked at him. "Do those unnatural abilities include Mohawks?"

"Now, now, Anakin, let's not insert the author's parody of somewhat famous Star Wars lines in every possible place." The End's eyes narrowed. "My path to this power was one of danger and deceit. It also involved a large amount of cuddly teddy bears and pink unicorns, but that's a completely different story. Still, I now possess author-like powers, and therefore am a foe to be reckoned with. But I am a fair foe. I will let you attempt to defeat me."

Anakin crossed his arms across his chest. "Why would I want to defeat you?"

"Well, first off, if you lose, I kill you. Second, I am holding another Jedi captive." The End pointed to the opposite end of the building. Anakin followed his finger. There stood a tall cage, and inside this cage was an ostrich.

The Jedi stared at The End. "…An ostrich?"

"This is not any ostrich. This is Shaak Ti in ostrich form!"

Anakin looked back at the ostrich. Instead of being red and blue, as he would expect a Shaak Ti ostrich to be, it was simply brown and white. "No… That's a normal ostrich."

"What? No! It is Shaak Ti in…" The End stopped. "Please don't tell me I picked up the wrong ostrich."

"You picked up the wrong ostrich."

"I told you not to tell me!" The End jumped to his feet and pushed Anakin's chair out from under him. The Jedi plopped down on the floor.

"I may have messed up, but I will not mess up again!" The End whipped out a remote control and hit a button. The lights went out. "This time, I shall be VICTORIOUS!"

Anakin's knees shook. Unlike a real Jedi, he was frightened easily, and now the creepy man seemed to be on the verge of killing him. It was enough to make him want to run. In fact, he decided that he would run.

However, right before he took off, The End hit another button on the remote control. A big-screen TV slid out, along with an Xbox. The man cackled. "I challenge you, Anakin Skywalker, to a dance-off!"

Anakin fell to his knees in shock. "NOOOOOOOOOO! Not a dance-off!"

Two Dance Dance Revolution pads slid out from underneath the Xbox. The End cleared his throat. "Sorry, did I say 'dance-off'? I meant 'step-where-the-falling-arrows-indicate-off'!"

Anakin slowly rose to his feet, glaring at the evil man. "You fiend. Using video games to challenge me to a du-el. You will fall."

"We will see, Anakin." The End grinned evilly (really, really evilly.) "We will see."

_Oh noes! Will Anakin be able to defeat The End? Where exactly is Shaak Ti? And will the Jedi find Anakin in time? Keep tuning in to _Jedi Nites 2 _to find out!_


	15. A Visit to That Popular Coffee Store

**Wow. This has been... a long... delay.**

**Okay, hello. I'm Mister Frodo. You may not remember me or Jedi Nites, but, um, I'm back! And here I am! Ha ha... yeah... What has it been? Since October, so... what, seven months? Something like that? Ha ha. What a long time away, eh?**

**Okay, I am INCREDIBLY sorry that I have taken this long to post Chapter 15 of Jedi Nites 2. I have been lazy and negligent. Life was busy during Spring, as I had school and baseball, but still... it's my fault. I was lazy. I apologize. But, I will note that this chapter would have been updated in February had my computer been working, but my computer was not allowing me to upload documents. But i didn't really pursue the problem, so it's partially my fault too. But, regardless, Jedi Nites 2 is back. I actually like this chapter. But you'll decide. Anyway, at my current pace, the story should run about seventeen chapters. I hope. Chapter sixteen I already have finished (don't make me give you a time table for when it will be up, but it will. Someday. Somehow.) So, the story is almost finished. **

**I'll discuss the story more in one of the next two chapters. I'm sorry for taking so long to give you a story that's both longer and less humorous than the original. But it is a sequel, right? Keep that in mind.**

**Also, no Reviewer Responses this time. But I'll get them next chapter. Hopefully. Anyway, without further ado, the disclaimer.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Starbucks, Diet Dr. Pepper, or the Double Saxophone Super Deluxe Burger. Well, maybe I do own the last one. I should go get it copyrighted, I guess._

Barris stared at the map. "Okay… According to this… We need to go… straight?"

Fred peeked over her shoulder. "I think you're holding it upside down."

She let out a huff. "Stupid Jar Jar… Why the heck does he have to draw with crayons? I can't keep this thing straight!"

They were at the corner of two streets, trying to navigate through Coruscant's lower levels. Jar Jar had been kind enough to draw them a map using a piece of paper and a box of Crayola, though Barris had realized about halfway through his sketching that the Gungan wasn't exactly an art major. Thankfully they had managed to lose the nuisance by taking several shortcuts through the Coruscant alleyways. Even now, Barris could imagine the alien bumbling into trash cans, saying "Meesa sorry! Exsqueeze me!" and other idiotic things like that.

She gave up trying to read the map and instead decided to consult the others. But, when she looked over her shoulder, she realized that the only one with her was Fred, who was happily messing around on his PSP.

She glanced around. "Where did they go?!" Her eyes came to rest on the stormtrooper. "Fred! Stop playing games on that stupid thing and help me find the others!"

Fred stared at his PSP. "What? This thing actually plays games?! I didn't know that!"

"GRRR!" Barris grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the bustling streets. She had an inkling where the others were. And by inkling, I mean definite idea. Only one place came to mind.

_At that very moment, at a nearby Starbucks…_

"And I want a _diet _soda. Yes, diet. Not the undiet ones, the anti-diet ones, the interdiet ones, the supermegadietdeluxe ones, the indiet ones, or the normal ones. I want a _diet _soda." Obi-Wan paused for a moment, contemplating his order. "Hmmmm… Yeah, with extra diet."

Yoda scratched at his head. "Confused, I am."

"Wow. Yoda's confused. Stopped the presses."

"Forget newspapers, we must!"

Yoda stomped a little penguin foot on the ground. He, Obi-Wan, Mace, Adi, and Wade stood at the back of the Starbucks line. Mace had insisted that they think up their orders now, because they would take forever to order otherwise, and then he would kill them. Not wanting to die at the hands of a bald penguin, they had begun the long and arduous task of reciting their wants, or, in more common terms, stating their orders. And even as the author had begun to get annoyed at the overuse of the word "order" in this paragraph, the small group was struggling to say what they wanted.

Yoda looked over at Mace, his brow furrowed. "Ask for diet soda, Obi-Wan did. Ask for that, he cannot, for sell coffee only, Starbucks does."

Wade scoffed. "Where have you been for the past eight hundred years, training Jedi in a Temple?"

Yoda nodded.

Wade rolled his eyes. "Well, that explains. You see, instead of actually visiting a Starbucks and giving us a painstakingly accurate model of both their store's interior and their menu, the author decided to be lazy. As it turns out, Starbucks has been branching out in the recent years. No longer limited to simply coffee, they now sell food, drinks, and even furniture."

"Why would you need to buy furniture at a coffee store?" Mace asked, wondering why some idiot would want to sell that.

"Um…" Wade shrugged. "Coffee tables?"

"That would just make more people drink coffee at home. It is simply pointless." He turned to Adi. "Okay, Master Gallia, what would you like?"

She put a flipper to her beak. "Hmmmm… I guess I'll take whatever is cheapest."

Mace glared at her. "That doesn't help."

"Okay, fine. Um… A sandwich. Fish sandwich. And a cup of coffee."

Obi-Wan scrunched his face up in disgust as they moved forward in line. "Fish and coffee? That doesn't sound very good."

"British people eat it."

"Um, no. That's 'fish and chips.' Besides, British people don't drink coffee. They drink tea."

"Tea, coffee, same difference!" Adi shook her head. "British people are just weird…"

"Now, come on! That's not very nice!"

"Put a sock in it."

Wade, believing that the insult had been directed at him, nodded. "Okay." He pulled out a jar and then stuffed a sock inside. "Okay, did that. Now what?"

Mace ignored him. "Okay, so Yoda wants just a coffee, Obi-Wan wants a _diet _soda, Adi wants a fish sandwich and, disgusting as it is, a cup of coffee, and Wade would like the Double Saxophone Super Deluxe Burger. Okay." Mace glanced over at the line and noticed that they now had only one person separating themselves from the cash register. "Hopefully this will work out. Let's go order."

They waddled up to the cashier. Well, to be more accurate, the penguins waddled; Obi-Wan pulled off a double backflip and crashed into a potted plant in the corner of the store. The person manning the cash register, a young adult male, raised his eyebrows at them as they approached. "Um, I'm sorry, we don't serve animals. That includes penguins."

Mace stomped his foot on the floor. "That's outrageous! I saw a Wookie getting food here earlier!"

"Well, first off, Wookies don't count as animals, and second, penguins don't rip your arm out of your socket when you don't let them order."

Wade gasped. "Oh my gosh! Are you Han Solo?"

The cashier rolled his eyes. "I'm his brother, Bob. Now, you either need someone to order for you, or I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Fine." Mace looked over at Obi-Wan and whistled. "Here, boy, we need you to order for us."

Obi-Wan, who was just now cleaning up the broken pot by using the Force, dropped what he was doing and ran over to them. "You called, Mace?"

Mace nodded. "Yes. Order for us."

"Okey doke." Obi-Wan looked at the cashier and furrowed his brow. "Wait a minute… I know you."

The cashier tilted his head to the side. "Huh?"

"Yeah, I do know you! We went to the same Kindergarten! Now, what was your name…" He snapped his fingers. "I remember! It's Bob Solo!"

"Actually, my name's Greg." He glanced at his watch. "Okay, can we please hurry this up? You've been here for five minutes."

"Okay." Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak, but then stopped. "Oh yeah." He turned to Mace. "Mace, what am I supposed to say for our orders?"

Mace sighed. "Yoda wants a coffee, Adi wants a fish sandwich and a coffee, Wade wants the Double Saxophone Super Deluxe Burger, and you want a diet soda."

"Okey doke." He turned back to the cashier. "Okay, I want two coffees, a fish sandwich, a Double Saxophone Super Deluxe Burger, and a—"

Greg held up a hand. "I'm sorry, sir; we don't sell those anymore."

"WHAT?!" Wade leapt from the floor to the cash register, a remarkable jump for a penguin of his size. "This is an outrage! Starbucks was built on the Double Saxophone Super Deluxe Burger! If I don't get it, I think I'm going to explode! Explode, I tell you, EXPLODE!"

Obi-Wan tapped him on the shoulder. "Wade, you can't self-destruct anymore because you're not a droid, and you're holding up the line."

"Oh…" His penguin shoulders slumped. "Well, just get me a cheeseburger."

"Okey doke."

"Stop saying that."

"Okey doke." Obi-Wan brushed Wade off the counter and then took a deep breath. "Okay, where were we?"

Greg sighed. "Your friend was going on a rampage…"

"Yes, yes, I know that. Okay, so I want two coffees, normal size, I guess, a fish sandwich, a cheeseburger, and, for me, um…" He stared at the ceiling. "What do I want?"

Mace tugged on his pants leg. Obi-Wan bent down so that the penguin could speak into his ear.

"Diet soda," Mace whispered.

"That's right!" Obi-Wan sprang back up. "I would like a diet soda."

The cashier, who had begun entering the order into the machine, paused. "What type of diet soda?"

"The diet kind."

"No, I know that, I mean, what kind of soda?"

"The diet kind."

The cashier shook his head. "No, not like that. We have Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, Diet Dr. Pepper…"

"Oh my gosh! I want Diet Dr. Pepper!" Obi-Wan exclaimed with a gleeful smile. "There's nothing diet about it! It turns into ice cream!"

"Sure, whatever." Greg pointed at Mace. "You. Do you want anything?"

"Um…" Mace shrugged. "A coffee."

"Okay." Greg entered the information into the cash register. "That makes three coffees, a fish sandwich, a cheeseburger, and a Diet Dr. Pepper. Is that correct?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "CORRECT!"

Greg glared at him. "If you're done using Caps Lock to take out my eardrums… That'll be seven fifty."

Obi-Wan dug his hand into his pocket. "I wonder if I have anything in here… Aha!" He whipped out a credit card. "For everything else in life, there's Mastercard!"

"Advertising. Brilliant." Greg took the card from Obi-Wan and swiped it in the machine. "All right, normally I would ask for your signature, but the word count's getting a bit high for this chapter, so we're skipping that. Thank you for your patronage." He handed Obi-Wan the credit card back. "Your order will be out in one hour…"

Obi-Wan's mouth fell open. "What?! You have to be kidding me!"

"…minus fifty-nine minutes," Greg added.

"Oh." Obi-Wan looked at the penguin Jedi. "Um… How many minutes are in an hour?"

Yoda shrugged. "Thirty, I guess?"

"Hey!" Obi-Wan turned back to Greg. "Our order should have been out here negative twenty-nine minutes ago!"

Greg shook his head. "And here I thought Jedi were good at math…"

Mace folded his… well, I guess they're his arms, across his chest. "We have the Force. We don't need math."

"Man, I wish I was a Jedi." Greg pointed at something behind them. "By the way, do you know that female humanoid alien glaring at you outside? I'm not a nerd, so I don't know her name, but I believe that she's a Jedi."

They all turned around to face the large glass window that separated the store from the street. Outside the window they could indeed see Barris standing on the sidewalk, glowering at them, her eyes narrowed into slits. Over her shoulder they could see Fred waving at them. Obi-Wan gulped. "Um… I'd like to make that order to-go, please."

"Okay." They heard Greg sigh behind them. "More work for me."

But before any of them could chastise Greg for being annoyingly pessimistic, or figure out some plan to cause Barris' rage to somehow subside, a low, quiet laugh broke through the banter of the Starbucks' customers. They looked in the direction of the noise and noticed a man in a black cloak sitting in the corner. He began to laugh some more, with each subsequent "ha" and "heh" gaining volume until it caused all others in the shop to fall silent. A chill crept down Obi-Wan's spine. He knew that laugh.

With all eyes fixed upon him, the cloaked man rose to his feet. His robe fell down almost to the heels of his sinister black boots. (How the heck the boots are sinister, I don't know.) With slow and antagonizing precision, he raised his hands to his hood and lowered it, throwing his face into the light.

Everyone in the room gasped. Obi-Wan stepped back, too stunned for words. "NOWAYOHMIGOSHQUIGONJINNCAMETOSTARBUCKSANDHESGONNAKILLUSALLOHNOOHNOOHNOOHNO!"

Um, well, too stunned for comprehensible words, anyway.

Yoda narrowed his eyes. "Qui-Gon Jinn, it is."

"Uh, no duh." The Jedi-turned-evil-Sith snorted. "Who did you think it would be? Liam Neeson?"

Wade nodded.

"Stupid droid-turned-penguin! Stupid Jedi-turned-penguin! Stupid useless apprentice!" Qui-Gon pulled out a lightsaber and ignited it, bathing the room in an eerie red glow. Actually, the room was completely lit, so I don't know how he was able to bathe it with his lightsaber, but…um… I'm running out of ideas.

Unfazed by the author's insufficient knowledge of interior lighting, Mace, Yoda, and Adi whipped out penguin-sized lightsabers. Mace took a step forward. "You're going down, Qui-Gon."

"Oh, I don't think so." Qui-Gon grinned. "THE BATTLE IS JUST BEGINNING!"

_Oh no! Will the Jedi survive their confrontation? Will Anakin be able to best The End in a do-or-die dance off? And will the Jedi ever get their order? Tune in next time to _Jedi Nites_ to find out!_


	16. A Dance, a Duel, and a Departure

**Sigh... Here's chapter 16.**

**Wait. I can't act like that. There is still a story to finish! In fact... the story's almost over. If you can believe it. And if you're still reading this.**

**I must say, I'm very, very sorry for the fact that I've taken so long to finish this story. I promise that I will finish it, unless I become unavailable to do so. I'm working on the final chapter now. I'm not sure how it will end... if you have any ideas for the ending, please, post them in a review! I can probably use all the help I can get.**

**And now... the reviewer responses! Or response, I guess I should say.  
**

**PrincessofIthilien: I'm glad that you liked the chapter! You know, I don't think that we actually get paid just because the website is advertising stuff. I think we can only get paid if we put products in our own stories. But if that were the case, Starbucks would owe me a _whole _lot of cash by now. I don't think that's quite how it works... XD**

**All right. Here, without further ado... CHAPTER 16!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Dance Dance Revolution, video game consoles, whiny fan fic characters, or lame plot devices to decrease the amount of characters in the story. I mean, triumphant exits for beloved characters who we can almost not bear to live without. Almost._

"THE ENTIRE DESTINY OF THE GALAXY… IS IN YOUR HANDS!"

Anakin scratched his head. "Um… what is that supposed to mean?"

The End stepped off his dance pad and onto the hard concrete floor. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he turned to Anakin. "Oh, I just wanted to start off this chapter with something dramatic."

"Oooooookay." Anakin descended from his own dance pad. "That was a good dance, The End. I almost broke a sweat."

"Wow. That sounds painful."

"Not as painful as that lame joke," Anakin answered with a chuckle. "Speaking of lame jokes… What exactly is the gag the author intends for us to carry out?"

The End waved his hand. A cream-colored sofa appeared right behind him. After he had plopped down on the newly-created piece of furniture, he placed a hand to his chin. "Hm… Well… I have no clue." He glanced around his hideout, an empty and boring warehouse with thousands of square feet to spare. "With a place this big, you think his imagination would just come out. He just used feet as a measurement tool, so he might want us to make another one of those 'Star Wars uses metric system' gags, but those have gotten pretty old, if you ask me."

Anakin sat down next to his captor. "We've already completed about ten or so of those annoyingly catchy pop songs on your Xbox Dance Dance Revolution." He noticed the precipitation, sorry, _perspiration _on The End's forehead. "And yet, while I am fine and breathing steady, you are exhausted and sweating like a dog!"

The End rolled his eyes. "Okay, first off, I am not exhausted, second off, dogs do not sweat, and thirdly, I have been practicing on Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix for the Gamecube, and therefore have not played any of this DDR Ultramix, or whatever you call it."

"Weren't you the one who chose what game we were going to play?"

"Oh, whatever!" The End jumped to his feet and then with a violent kick sent their Xbox flying to the other end of the warehouse. "These are all last-gen consoles anyway! We need a new makeover! Get me an Xbox 360, a Wii, and a PS3 stat!"

Anakin furrowed his brow. "Couldn't you just make them using your special powers?"

"Yeah, I _tried _that, but the Xbox 360 malfunctioned, the Playstation 3 became an internet hate object, and even _I _can't find a Wii!"

"Alright, fine." Anakin ran a hand through his hair. "This discussion isn't advancing the plot at all, anyway. So, are you going to kill me, or not?"

"Well…" The End began to pace the length of floor between the sofa and their big-screen TV. "I said that if you beat me, I wouldn't kill you. Actually, I don't know if I actually said that, but the author is too lazy to check his earlier chapters, so we'll just say I did. But, upon examining the screen…" He stopped and looked at the television. "It appears we somehow ended up tied. So… I can't kill you. I guess that means... you're free to go?"

"Oh, okay." Anakin turned around. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll just be leaving…"

"Not so fast!"

He spun back around. "What is it?"  
"You can't leave yet!" The End jogged over to him. With a sigh he placed a hand on the Jedi's shoulder. "Ani, Ani… We can't just go and do what we're doing. I think. I mean… maybe. The chicken has to come out of the egg some time, after all."

Anakin frowned. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"That makes two of us! Ha hah ha hah!" He removed his hand from Anakin. "But Anakin, we are in grave danger. This story has become incredibly unpopular. Remember the days of five reviews per chapter? And like thirty or forty hits? Those days have passed us by. The window is closed; we have been shut out."

Anakin bowed his head. "I know that what you say is true. Our conversation right now is not even humorous. But what better way to stop this suffering than to simply end the story?"  
"Not yet." The End pulled out a watch and, using it, checked the time. "The Jedi are still searching for us. And they are not alone… Qui-Gon is with them."

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Qui-Gon… Didn't the whole 'Qui-Gon is evil' gag run out of juice _last _story?"

"Yeah, it did. But the author keeps reusing old gags to try and bring the series back to life. Sadly enough, it is too far gone." A small smile tugged at The End's lips. "And yet… the story is not quite over."

_The End and Anakin both stink. Worse Star Wars Fan Fic characters EVER. Anyway, now that they've insulted me a lot, let's move back to the Jedi, who have just run into an old friend…_

Qui-Gon flipped towards the Jedi. Obi-Wan and Wade dove out of the way while Adi and Yoda jumped to meet the Sith in the ear. I mean, air. While they battled it out with their lightsabers, Mace raced to the Starbucks door. He swung it open, allowing Barris and Fred to enter.

Barris surveyed the scene. "Okay, Qui-Gon is here, but he's the only Sith. We can easily take him."

Just then Yoda and Adi landed right next to her, lightsaber burns in their penguin feathers (fur?).

She gulped. "Or not."

Qui-Gon landed from his jump, creating a small crater in the Starbucks floor. He let out a harsh, cold laugh. "I won't pay for the damages! BWAH HAH HA!"

Obi-Wan hurried over to Barris. "Barris, Barris! Please help! We're going to die! Please save us!"

Barris held up her hand. "Patience, Obi-Wan! I'm thinking of a way to defeat him! I think I might know a good way to—"

She was interrupted by a blaster shot. Fred, who had been ignored by the rest of the characters so far, had raised his blaster and fired a single shot at Qui-Gon. The shot hit the Jedi-turned-Sith square in the chest, sending him sprawling backwards. Everyone's mouth fell open.

Barris turned to Fred. "Fred! How the heck did you do that?!"

Fred spun his blaster around on his finger and then, with flowing movements, tossed it up in the air, caught it, and finally holstered it on his belt. "Well, the author didn't want the story to drag on any longer, so he let me have the glory!"

All the people at Starbucks began cheering. "Yay!" "Way to go Stormtrooper!" "This mocha latte is overpriced!" and similar shouts of praise filled the air. The people became a single crowd. They grabbed Fred and lifted him up onto their shoulders. Fred looked around at the adoring crowd and smiled. Well, I think he smiled. I couldn't exactly tell through his helmet.

"Aw, thank you, people! This is so great!" He looked at the Jedi. "Well, this is my farewell for the story, guys. It's been great, but I'm off to go find Bill. Say good-bye to Clyde for me!"

The Jedi and Wade waved farewell as Fred was carried out of the café and into the streets, yelling, "Bill and Fred Volume III, here I come!" (Author's note: Bill and Fred Volume III is not currently a planned fan fic. Fred's comment is simply his own opinion and expectations of where he is going to go. He is not an official source of information. Please, don't listen to anything that he says. Seriously. Don't.)

Obi-Wan wiped a tear from his eye. "He was a good friend… Even though he stole my pajamas, he was still a great friend."

Mace sighed. "Once again, I am surrounded by idiots."

"You used to be an idiot too, Mace. Back when we were a popular fan fic."

"Gah… This party is OVER!"

Barris put up her hand to silence the bickering duo. "Okay, you two, knock it off. We still have to find Anakin and then get him to tell us where The Cheese Dog is."

"But he doesn't know where The Cheese Dog is, does he?"

They whirled around to see… Starbucks.

"It's the other way. Really."

Everyone turned back around towards the sidewalk. A single cloaked man stood before them.

Barris furrowed her brow. "Who are you?"

"I?" A sly smile crept onto the man's features. "I am The End. It was I who kidnapped Anakin Skywalker, who tried to kidnap Shaak Ti, but failed, and it was also I who know the location of The Cheese Dog."

The group gasped. Obi-Wan's mouth fell open. As he gasped. I guess. "So… you know where The Cheese Dog is?! How did you find out?!"

"Young Skywalker told me," The End replied with a chuckle. "Though I'm not sure how he found it… but regardless, I do know where The Cheese Dog is. And it was under your nose the entire time."

The camera did a thousand pointless close-ups on all of the characters, including Greg, who had since moved on to serving Starbucks customers that actually paid for their food. Everyone was shocked by the news. Well, everyone except Greg, who really didn't care about anything aside from his next paycheck. Why is Greg still in the story then, you ask? Um… I don't know why.

The End took a deep breath for dramatic effect. During the breath, however, Han Solo appeared, whipped out his blaster and shot him. The End fell to the ground.

The group of Jedi cheered. However, five seconds later they realized that the earlier incident had been revised into a "Special Edition," where Han didn't shoot at The End until after The End fired a machine gun several million times at Han. After Han was clearly provoked, he fired a single shot that The End dodged. Han then disappeared to wherever Star Wars characters go when they die. Tatooine, I guess.

The End pointed dramatically. What he pointed at is still not completely certain, but at least he lent an air of drama to the whole thing. "The one who has The Cheese Dog is… CLYDE!"

_Gasp! Clyde has The Cheese Dog? Where is Clyde? Will the Jedi find him before The End? And what happened to Anakin? Tune in next time as _Jedi Nites 2 _comes to its immense and incredibly delayed climax! THE FINAL CHAPTER: CHAPTER 17_


	17. The End: Deus Ex Machina

**Ah, here we are... the finale. If only it didn't take over two years to get here. *facepalm* I apologize for the really long chapter; I wanted to finish the story and tie everything together (while also writing a bit of an apology/author note at the end), so it ended up quite long. This is, however, THE END for the story. It was a fun ride (I'll elaborate on this later), but now it's coming to an end. Thanks for reading this, and I hope you enjoy this, the final chapter of Jedi Nites 2.**

**Now, to the Reviewer Responses...**

**Princess of Ithilien: Man, I'd like to get paid for product placement... But I doubt I ever will. XD But I'm smart, so I don't have to worry about paying for college... right? Right? Right? Also, I'm glad you liked the chapter!**

**Jedi Goat: Well, it took me like four months to review... though for this story, that's sort of like updating soon. I'm sorry for the wait! _ But, at least it's finally over. And thank you for the review!**

**So, now, we have... the finale! Welcome, my friends, to... the end!  
**

The location? A corner on the streets of Coruscant. The time? During the evening, right at the moment of the setting sun. The situation? The Jedi Knights (Obi-Wan, Barris, Mace, Adi, and Yoda), along with Wade, are facing off against the sinister The End.

The prize? The legendary Cheese Dog, currently held by Clyde.

Obi-Wan drew his lightsaber. "You aren't getting away this time, The End."

The End scratched his cloaked head. "Um… we've never met before today."

"Oh. Well, you still won't get away." Obi-Wan clenched his fist. "This I swear!"

"It's not nice to swear." The End surveyed the motley gang of Jedi and penguins. "Well, this is what it's come down to, huh? Me against you… um…" He did a quick head count. "Barris, Obi-Wan, Wade, Adi, Mace, and Yoda… Six!"

"Make that seven!"

Everyone spun around. Shaak Ti was sprinting toward them. Barris grinned. "Excellent! With Shaak Ti around, we'll certainly defeat…" She stopped. "Wait. Shaak Ti is normal again."

The other Jedi looked at Shaak Ti and realized that Barris was right. She was now her normal alien self, whatever the heck that was. But she was no longer an ostrich. Mace furrowed his brow. "How is this possible?"

Shaak Ti reached the Jedi and The End. She skidded to a halt in front of them, panting. "It's possible… because of him!" she exclaimed, pointing into the distance.

The Jedi followed the direction of her finger to… empty space. The End rolled his eyes. "I really have no time for jokes."

"Dang it, he was just behind me a second ago!" Shaak Ti squinted, trying to see into the distant horizon. "Where the heck is he?"

"Where's who?" Barris asked.

"Where's me!"

Clyde landed next to them, a long, chocolate sword in his hand. The Jedi gasped. "Clyde!" Barris exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here… to end the story!" Clyde whipped around and pointed his chocolate sword at The End. "I am here to defeat you and end the story, kind sir!"

"Hmph." The End waved his hand, as if dismissing Clyde's statement. "Listen, you. I didn't stick around for like sixteen chapters just to be beaten off by some stupid chocolate-obsessed OC."

"Oh, but you did." A smile crossed Clyde's lips. "I'm here to stop you, The End! Once and for all!"

"Fine, then." The End removed his cloak. It flapped away into the wind, blotting out the light of the setting sun. Everyone watched as the cloak fluttered away in slow motion. Eventually it slammed into the windshield of a random speeder, causing the speeder to careen into a nearby skyscraper, injuring thousands and causing billions of credits in damage. But we don't really care about the tiny details.

The End cackled evilly. Because, you know, there are so many other types of cackles. "I've been waiting for this." He ran hand through his slicked-back black hair. His other hand was fixed on his lightsaber, which he kept clipped to the black Jedi tunic he had been wearing under his cloak. "Let's do this, Clyde. Let's finish this… once and for all!"

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "I'm beginning to suspect a theme to this fight."

The End charged, swinging his saber as he did. Clyde leapt over him and, in a surprisingly dexterous move, pulled off a triple front flip while going backwards. How he did it, no one really knew. The Jedi would have been in awe of his talent if it weren't for the fact that they could each do that trick in their sleep. Well, on a good day.

The End and Clyde struck at each other with vicious blows, each trying to blast the other into oblivion. Though, it's kind of hard to accomplish that with just a lightsaber and a sword made of chocolate, but… they get points for effort, right?

The Jedi watched the furious battle. As they did, Obi-Wan looked from their motley group to the dueling warriors and then back again. "So, wait a second… this story has taken two separate fics and like thirty chapters to complete, and now, the final battle is between two OCs who weren't even in the first story and who really have no Star Wars relation whatsoever? And the main cast of characters, the ones the readers know and love, just sit on the sidelines like a bunch of spectators? What's up with that?"

The others all shrugged. Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, I can't just shrug this off. I need to do something. Something important… something cool…" He whipped out his lightsaber. "…something… AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING!"

He ran forward, much to the shock of the Jedi spectators. With grace resembling a crashing plane, he skidded between the two combatants and began spinning his lightsaber in a circle. Clyde and The End drew back, surprised at Obi-Wan's sudden move.

The End took a step forward and pointed a single accusatory finger at Obi-Wan. "What are you doing, Obi-Wan? Why are you interrupting our duel?"

Obi-Wan stopped his spinning, coming to a dead halt. However, his rapid rotating had caused him to become dizzy, and he swayed back and forth, blinking against the stars now clouding his vision. "No thank you, I don't need no death sticks, no siree…"

The End rolled his eyes in annoyance. "If you could please move out of the way, Clyde and I could continue our duel."

"No!" Obi-Wan shouted, brushing aside the nauseating dizziness in his head. "You cannot duel here! This is neither the time nor the place!"

Clyde glanced at his watch. "Well… it is only six o'clock… I try to schedule my duels between eight and eight-thirty, you know, get a nice nighttime feel to 'em. Makes them all sinister and stuff."

"That's not what I mean." Obi-Wan turned to The End. "The End… No… whatever your name is, what is your mission?"

"To find out what my middle initial 'P' stands for so I can change my name," the man answered.

"Exactly!" Obi-Wan whirled around to face Clyde. "Clyde! What is your mission?"

"To eat all the chocolate in the world."

Obi-Wan stared at him. "Seriously?"

"Si, senor."

"If what?"

"Gah!" The End clenched his fist in anger. "Stop making Spanish jokes that nobody gets and get out of the way! I must kill Clyde so that I can speak with the author and learn my middle initial!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Listen. The author probably wouldn't talk to you even if he could. It's against the rules to have yourself, the author, appear in a story."

Clyde raised his hand. "Um… hasn't the author already done that before, like in last story? And isn't responding to reviewers at the beginning of each chapter against the rules too?"

"Well… you have a point."

"So does a triangle, but that doesn't make it right."

"What?"

Frustrated by Obi-Wan and Clyde's babble, The End pointed his lightsaber at the two. "Listen. One of you needs to die so that I can find out my middle name. I'm not really picky. Either of you will suffice."

"Wait, The End! Don't kill them!"

The three glanced up at the sudden shout from the heavens. "Who's there?!" Obi-Wan called out.

"It is I!" Anakin fell from the sky and landed next to them. He raised his head and completed his move with a girly flip of his long, curly hair.

Everyone gasped. Obi-Wan's mouth dropped open. "Anakin! We've been searching for you this whole time!"

Anakin nodded. "I know. And now I'm here."

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "You know… considering that this story is called 'The Search for Anakin,' you'd think the payoff when we found him would be bigger…"

"Never mind that." Anakin grinned and pulled out a hot dog smothered in cheese. "Do you know what this is?"

"Um… your lunch?"

"No. It's _Deus Ex Machina_!" Anakin raised The Cheese Dog into the air. "Or The Cheese Dog. Whichever one you want."

Everyone gasped. Again. Come to think of it, there certainly was a lot of gasping going around. Must have been a surprising night.

Yoda stepped forward. "Cure us of our penguin state, you can?"

"Indeed I can, Master Yoda!" Anakin held The Cheese Dog out in his hand. "You see, The Cheese Dog here has so much saturated fat on it that it can cure you of your penguin states simply by your taking a bite of it."

"Wait a second…" Clyde placed a hand in his pocket and began rummaging around. He came up empty-handed and frowned. "Hm… I thought I just had a cheese dog that looked very, very similar to that one..."

Shaak Ti nodded. "Yes, you did have a cheese dog like that. I took a bite of it, and it cured me of my ostrich form." She looked at Anakin. "How did you get it?"

Anakin ran his hand through his long hair and let it flap femininely in the wind. He was probably doing in a vain attempt to look cool, but in reality, he just appeared idiotic. "Well, you see, The End and I were in his warehouse after he kidnapped me—"

"Kidnapped you?" Mace interrupted. "How did he kidnap you?"

"Well…" Anakin rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not sure. I think he just knocked me out or something. Anyway, he kidnapped me and took me to a warehouse. Then he said something about looking for you guys, so he knocked me out _again _and left. I woke up, found myself alone, and immediately did what I had to do."

"You bought a large bar of chocolate and used it to swat house flies?!" Clyde exclaimed.

"Er… no," Anakin answered, a bit disgusted by Clyde's guess. "I just had to go to the restroom. Anyway, I came out of the warehouse and found myself on the streets of Coruscant. You know, because the author knows exactly what those look like and can use them as the perfect setting for any story."

The End clenched his fist. "Don't insult the author! I'm trying to get on his good side."

"If you were really trying to get on his good side, you'd let me finish talking." Anakin cleared his throat and then continued. "Well, I found Clyde here running after Shaak Ti. Clyde had The Cheese Dog, oddly enough—"

"Which raises the question of how exactly Clyde got The Cheese Dog in the first place," Barris interjected thoughtfully.

Anakin shrugged. "Hey, I can only solve so many plot holes at once. So, when I saw Clyde, I realized he had The Cheese Dog, so I grabbed it from him and sent him ahead to fight The End. I thought I'd come in and save you guys after he finished mopping up the floor with this shameful excuse for a villain."

Obi-Wan frowned. "Entrusting all our hope to a boy who uses chocolate bars to brush his teeth? You haven't learned anything yet."

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan. I see through the lies of health food. I know that, in truth, health food isn't all that healthy. By eating food high in saturated fats, I've brought peace, security, and justice to my new food empire!"

Obi-Wan stared at him, disbelieving. "Your new food empire?! Anakin, my allegiance is to healthy food, to health itself!"

Anakin's eyes narrowed and he turned his back to Obi-Wan. "If you're not with me, then… you can't have any of this delicious cheese dog!"

"I don't know why I'd want any of that stupid food, anyway. It's just unhealthy."

"But we need it nonetheless," Barris stated, interrupting Anakin and Obi-Wan's parody of past Star Wars lines. "Anakin, give us The Cheese Dog so the penguin Jedi can take a bite of it and we can finish this story."

"No!" Obi-Wan blocked the way between Barris and Anakin. "Barris, my love! Don't fall for his lies! I love you!"

Barris sighed. "Obi-Wan, we're Jedi. We're not supposed to feel love."

"But I thought you were in love with Ana—"

"Well, I was, but then I realized he was a complete idiot, like you, so I just quit." Barris gave Anakin an apologetic nod. "No offense."

"None taken." Anakin slid his hand through his yet again in another feminine gesture. "I am quite the idiot. And Obi-Wan, come on, man. Jedi aren't supposed to fall in love."

Obi-Wan stared at him. "Dude. You married Padmé."

"There are exceptions to every rule," Anakin countered. "Now, Barris, take The Cheese Dog. With it, we can finish this story and then rule the galaxy!"

"Not so fast!" The End jumped between them and, with one vicious swipe, stole The Cheese Dog from Anakin's hand. The others gasped. The End backflipped away from them and then held The Cheese Dog up, laughing evilly. "I have stolen it! Now, I will eat it, and then, you will never become normal! The story will continue on forever, and I will force the author to reveal my middle name! Then, I can have peace!"

STOP RIGHT THERE!

Everyone looked upwards. "What? Who's there?"

This story needs to end. Therefore, you all need to stop fighting, The End needs to give The Cheese Dog back to the Jedi, and then you all can go live happily ever after.

The End shook his fist at the sky. "Author, that is you, is it not? I cannot let you escape! And I cannot let this story end! I must know my middle initial!"

Sigh… Since you asked so nicely… Your middle initial is P, right?

The End nodded. "Correct."

Your middle name is Pumpkin.

Everyone furrowed their brow. Mace asked the question that popped into everyone's mind. "…What?"

Yes, it's Pumpkin. Your parents had very odd taste, I guess. Anyway, there you go. The End Pumpkin Loshman. Now go change your name.

The End paused, realizing the truth that had just been revealed to him. A smile began to cross his lips. "Pumpkin. All this time I've been guessing Pineapple, or Peter, and it was _Pumpkin_. Oh well." He tossed The Cheese Dog back to the Jedi. Obi-Wan caught it. The End gave them a wave of farewell. "I depart, my friends! For we are friends now, not enemies! We shall be enemies no longer! I leave to go change my name, and I wish you the best of luck. Good wishes to you, and please, let's not let this be a black mark on the permanent record of our friendship. All has changed now that I know my name! So, I depart! Farewell, good-bye, and thanks for the great times!"

With that, he strode off. The Jedi watched him leave. Obi-Wan shook his head. "What a crazy guy. I'm glad none of us are like that."

Barris sighed. "Yeah, exactly." She looked at their penguin companions. Now, give the penguins The Cheese Dog so we can end this."

"Oh, yes, of course."

Obi-Wan crossed over to the penguins and held out The Cheese Dog. Adi, Mace, Yoda, and Wade each then took a bite, though Wade hesitated before his. Obi-Wan frowned at him.

"What's wrong, Wade?"

"It… it's just…" Wade sighed. "This is the first time I've ever been real. If I bite that, I'll go back to being just a battle droid. I won't be 'Wade the Penguin' anymore. I'll be 'Wade the Battle Droid.'"

Obi-Wan smiled. "Wade, you'll always be 'Wade the Penguin' in my heart."

Wade looked up at him with glistening eyes. "Really?"

"No. Now, take the bite and just get on with it."

Wade grudgingly bit into The Cheese Dog. When he did, all of the penguins were enveloped in light. Everyone oohed and awed as the penguins morphed into their regular forms, Mace into a human, Wade into a battle droid, Adi into… a human, I think, and Yoda into that species everyone refers to as "Yoda's species." Mace nodded.

"This is a great day indeed. We have been reverted, the Sith have been vanquished, and evil has been thwarted once again." He turned to Clyde. "Clyde, I cannot thank you enough for your service to the Republic. You have earned my trust."

Clyde shrugged. "I just wanted some chocolate, really."

"And chocolate you shall have." Obi-Wan withdrew a jumbo Hershey's bar from his back pocket. "I was saving this for sometime special, but, since you did help save us, you can have it."

"Wow!" Clyde accepted the gift with an eager grin. "This is totally awesome! Thanks so much, you guys! Now, I'm going to go to the Jedi Temple and go find those art classes I was looking for at the beginning of the story!"

Clyde dashed off. The Jedi and Wade watched him go. Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Um… should we tell him that there is no art class at the Jedi Temple?"

Mace shook his head. "No, he'll figure it out for himself. Eventually. Besides, Jocasta Nu needs someone to annoy her every now and then."

The Jedi and Wade stood there for a few minutes in silence. They really didn't know what to do. Obi-Wan decided to speak up. "Well, we've done a lot in these past few days. Or weeks, whatever this timeline is. We've defeated about every single Sith in the prequels and even Qui-Gon several times. We've uncovered Chancellor Palpatine's plot to take over the Republic. And we even wrecked a mattress store while we were at it." He turned to them. "So, what will we do now?"

Shaak Ti sighed. "I don't know about you, but I'm going to go find Ki-Adi-Mundi. The last time I saw him was back in the Jedi Nites 1 when those Ewoks attacked him. Ever since then, well… he's basically disappeared from the story." She strode away, giving them a wave in farewell. "See you guys at Starbucks later!"

"Go to the council room, I must, and clean it up, I shall." Yoda smoothed back his hair and gave a toothy grin. "Woo Yaddle, I finally will."

Obi-Wan frowned. "Didn't Yaddle like die in one of those books between Episode I and Episode II?"

"Matter that does not. Dead, half the Jedi here are anyway." Yoda seized his walking stick and shuffled away in the direction of the temple. "Meet you at Starbucks later on I shall. Best of luck until then, my friends. Farewell."

Adi nodded. "I should go clean up the temple too. And complain to the author about how I was basically replaced by Barris for this entire story. See you at Starbucks."

She followed Yoda, and they departed, leaving only Obi-Wan, Anakin, Mace, Barris, and Wade together. Mace nodded toward them.

"You did a good job, my fellow Jedi. And you too, Wade," he added to the battle droid. "I too must depart. Sadly enough, the death of Chancellor Palpatine means that I need to find some other lame lightsaber duel in which I can die. Anyway," he noted with a smile, "this party's over. I will see you at Starbucks. This time our meeting won't be interrupted."

He left. Barris looked at the three remaining guys (I guess Wade counts as a guy) and sighed. "Boy, this has been tiring. I'm kind of sad I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to Fred; he ended up helping us out a lot. But, I need to go help clean up the council room and figure out if my last name is 'Offee' or 'Soffee.' Farewell, then. And Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan looked up expectantly. "Yes?"

"Don't follow me."

She walked away, leaving Obi-Wan with his head bowed. Anakin put a hand on his master's shoulder.

"Cheer up, Master. Love isn't all it's cracked up to be. Heck, I go and choke my wife at the end of this movie."

"I don't think this really counts as Episode III anymore…" Obi-Wan began, but Anakin cut him off.

"Don't worry about the details. Anyway, I'm still wondering if I'm a bawling idiot who is the subject of constant ridicule, a feminine hero who desperately needs some facial hair, or a really cool Jedi who actually seems like he will one day become Darth Vader. I'm gonna go talk to Padmé and see if she can help me find the answer. I'll see you guys later. At Starbucks!"

He jogged away. Obi-Wan looked at Wade. "Well, Wade, it appears that we are the only two characters remaining."

Wade nodded. "Indeed. It's fitting, though. We were the first two characters to appear in this sequel, back in the first chapter, and now we're the ones closing it out."

Obi-Wan put a hand around Wade's metallic shoulders. "Well, how about we head to Starbucks and wait for the others? You never got to get your Double Saxophone Super Deluxe Burger, after all."

If battle droids could smile, Wade would have been beaming. "I'd love to."

"So, shall we depart?"

"Roger roger."

**And so… it's over. Finally, it's over.**

**I wanted to take this time to apologize to everyone who read this story for the incredibly long time it took for it to end. It's been over two years since I began this sequel, and really, for a stupid comedy with little plot or meaning, it shouldn't have gone on as long as it did. This is my fault. With the first Jedi Nites, I wrote about five chapters before I started posting the story, so I always managed to stay about a few chapters ahead when I was writing. Sadly, I wasn't able to do this with this story, mainly because I feel I rushed the sequel. This is really unfortunate, and the long delay between chapters is probably one of the reasons the story failed to reach the same popularity of the original (though this is also in part because the sequel just isn't as good, as sequels rarely are). Still, though, I enjoyed writing much of this story, especially the earlier scenes (and even some of the later ones). I'm a bit happier with the fact that I was able to close everything out for this story, though, of course, I used a huge Deus Ex Machina to achieve this result. But overall, I don't view this as a failed effort, just one I should have devoted more time to from the start and ended much sooner (time-wise, not exactly chapter-wise).**

**I'm sorry for the plot holes and the fact that many characters got short-changed by newer additions (Mace, Yoda, and Adi were the biggest casualties, I felt). But I've learned some lessons from this. First off: either plan an outline or write several chapters before posting a story. This is something I need to do with more of stories, actually. Then they wouldn't end up dragging on for months and years. XD Second, I need to have fewer characters and focus more on the main cast if I ever do another comedy like this. As I stated, older characters (especially Mace, who was a huge part of the original) were short-changed in this sequel. I will try my best to avoid this in the future. And third, I need to be committed to doing my stories. A lack of focus and commitment to finishing this sequel up is one of the main reasons it took so long, and I need to fix this in the future.**

**I'M SO SORRY THAT THIS STORY TOOK SO LONG. Really, now that I look back, the first five chapters were pretty good, time-wise (and even after that wasn't so bad). Having the two NaNoWriMos hurt me, and just not being focused about it. Again, I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY. _  
**

**Thanks are definitely in order. Thank you so much for reading this story. I know the delays have been great and time between the chapters has been too long, especially for a story that isn't even as funny as the original (though I felt it had its moments, no?), but those of you who have stuck with me till the end and are reading this, THANK YOU. WITH CAPITAL LETTERS. I love to write, but what I love even more is to make people laugh, to entertain them, and if I was able to do that for you, to maybe even elicit a chuckle with my parody of George Lucas' space saga, then I am a very happy young man indeed. Again, thank you, and God bless.**

**As a final note… At this moment, do not plan on there being a Jedi Nites 3. I don't want to outright deny ever doing another Jedi Nites story, but I have no concrete plans for doing such in the future. If I did ever do another Star Wars comedy like this, in the vein of Jedi Nites, it would probably be on a much smaller level and be shorter. I would definitely either plan it out or write a few chapters of it before posting it. XD But no, there are currently no plans for a Jedi Nites 3. However, I could possibly do another Star Wars comedy in the future, so don't forget to stay tuned. You don't have to sit on the edge of your seat, though.**

**And now, the end credits…**

**Jedi Nites II: The Search for Anakin**

**Written, Directed, and Edited by me**

**Based on characters created by George Lucas and me**

**Starring **

**Lots of people as themselves (Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Mace Windu, Yoda, etc.)**

**Fred as Fred**

**The End Pumpkin Loshman as The End**

**With special guest performances from Ria Rabbit as Mangia Mett**

**The Official Rabbit Theater Troupe of Super Good Rabbit Actors as the Rabbit Clones**

**John Doe as Clone Number 2019874007L-28yw38u**

**Special Thanks to…**

**God (for creating me and, well, lots of other things I probably don't have room for)**

**My parents (for raising me and loving me)**

**My family (for supporting me and loving me)**

**My sister (for talking to me about manga and anime and spending many late nights discussing random movies and such while quoting random lines)**

**My cousins (for playing action figures/Legos/Bionicles/etc. with me)**

**My creative writing teacher (for fostering my writing spirit and teaching me how to write)**

**My piano teacher (for teaching me how to play piano and helping me discover my love of music)**

**George Lucas (for creating Star Wars)**

**John Williams (for writing Star Wars music)**

**Christian Anime Alliance (for being an amazing website. Go CAA!)  
**

**God again (because, well, when you create the universe, you get to be in this list twice)**

**And, of course, the reviewers:**

**Darth Vyper: Sadly enough, only reviewed for the first chapter... but that's okay! (I don't know if you quit reading this or not, but if you did, don't take this the wrong way. I'm so glad if you're still reading this! Thank you!) Thanks for the review! :D  
**

**Duo Jagan: Reviewed for the earlier chapters before, well, disappearing. DUO JAGAN, COME BACK, I MISS YOU. But I'm glad for his reviews. They were very complimentary! (my favorite type of review, if you haven't figured that out) I'm sad that his reviews stopped after the first few chapters, but still, I'm glad for the time we had. Thanks for the reviews!  
**

**GaisiochDeEirinn (I know I probably spelled that wrong): A one-time reviewer who posted a review for chapter 12... or 13... or something like that. Commented on my comments about the video industry. I'm very thankful for your review! Also, I have to say... your name is hard to spell! XD Sorry if I got it wrong.**

**The Penguin Squad: One of my most loyal reviewers (reviewing almost all of the chapters, though not the latest one... ah well). Thanks so much for reviewing! I was glad that I was able to incoporate penguins into the story and please you with them.  
**

**G-Anakin13: Another great reviewer (a returner from the original Jedi Nites, I believe) who reviewed pretty consistently until after chapter 10 (not that I blame him/her). Had a tendency for writing short and sweet reviews, which I somewhat mocked in my responses... G-Anakin, if I offended you, I AM SO SORRY. Your reviews were very very very appreciated, and I didn't mean to alienate you with my responses (though maybe you just stopped reviewing because I took too long to come out with the next chapter... if so, I can completely understand). Anyway, thank you for the reviews.  
**

**Jedi Goat: Another loyal reviewer who even reviewed the latest chapter (bonus points!) Thanks for your reviews, and your unique user name (you don't see many goat Jedi running around the internet).  
**

**Princess of Ithilien: And, saving the best for last... well, actually, I won't call Princess of Ithilien the best reviewer because that would be mean to all the other people who reviewed. You all are the best reviewers. However, I'm very thankful for Princess of Ithilien's reviews (and her tendency to laugh at most of my jokes). You get a smiley face for your reviews, and a nice thank you. :)  
**

**Finally, thank YOU, the reader, even if you didn't review. I still appreciate your reading of my story (and hopefully you found it humorous in some way). Again, thank you!**

**God bless, and may the Force be with you.**

_**^^Over and Out^^**_


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